Being Too Available Is Killing Your Chances Of Meeting The Right Person

Dating is essentially a giant balancing act. You need to be willing to open your heart, but not to the point where it’s detrimental to your own well-being. Figuring out a happy medium is hard as hell. While I think it’s silly to play hard to get just for the sake of it (not to mention a giant waste of time), having personal boundaries and not putting yourself out there too much are important, too. In other words, being too available might be killing your dating game.

  1. There’s a huge difference between being open to love and being too available. Are you willing to drop everything for someone else? Cancel plans with friends to go on a date? Do you always message him back immediately because you fear that if you don’t, he might think you’ve lost interest? You’re way too available. Being open to finding love means you’re in a healthy place and open to adding a partner into the mix — just not at the cost of all the other awesome things going on in your life.
  2. The right person will want you to have your own life. Although dropping everything for love may seem romantic (and certainly there are emergencies where you may have to do exactly that), having your own full, rich, life isn’t just appealing to a partner — it’s also something you should want for yourself. Heck, relish it.
  3. Your time is precious. If you allow people to cancel dates at the last minute, expect you to respond to texts late at night (when you’d really rather be curled up in bed reading a book), or be wishy-washy with making plans, it’s a sign that you don’t respect your own time — and certainly, neither does he.
  4. Having boundaries is not only healthy — it’s attractive. The right person will also want you to have personal boundaries. You’re looking for a healthy relationship, and healthy people not only respect boundaries, they have their own. This is all part of loving yourself — something that’s essential if you’re going to meet your One.
  5. There’s also a difference between making time for something and being too available. You can still make time for the things and people that are important to you without being a pushover. A well-rounded life includes a variety of different people and things. Yes, you should prioritize a new partner, but not to the detriment of the other things you value.
  6. The right person will want to see your eyes. They can’t do that if you’re staring at your phone, waiting for the next text or phone call to come through. Constantly scrolling through social media or reloading your emails or checking your texts, desperate to hear from someone is not a good look. Put your phone down and join the real world.
  7. Humans covet what is elusive. As much as I think playing hard to get is kind of BS, people do like a little bit of a challenge.  You know what’s sexy? Someone who isn’t desperate to be in a relationship but instead is content on their own terms. Be that person. You don’t have to act aloof or standoffish, but dating should be the cherry on top of an already full life.
  8. We teach people how to treat us. By respecting your own time and boundaries, other people will start to show you the same kind of respect. And you know what? It feels pretty awesome. Try to strike a balance between openness and perspective. You’ll be amazed at the effects it has.
Simone is a freelance writer and author of the sexy and irreverent blog Skinny Dip. When she's not writing her heart out, she loves wandering her city with a large cup of coffee in hand, in search of the next great story.