You Shouldn’t Just Play Hard to Get, You Should BE Hard to Get

When you’re sick of being single and exhausted from the search for a great guy, it’s tempting to do whatever you can to lock down the next one that catches your eye, including engaging in dating games. You don’t need to play hard to get to get the guy, though — he needs to actually work to win you over.

  1. Dating is all about confidence, not narcissism. If you’re just playing hard to get, it’s going to look like you just have a big head. There’s no reason to be conceited. It’s all about being confident. Have a true sense of self-worth and know that no guy is too good for you. You deserve to find a good man, so be confident enough to hold out for that… just not so conceited that you expect him to wait on your hand and foot.
  2. If you want to be a catch, you have to act like one. If you don’t think you’re a catch, then no guy will either. You want to be with a man you feel lucky to have, but he should feel the same way about you. Winning your heart is a prize, and when you’re really a catch, you know that what you really deserve is a man who treats you right and you don’t settle for anything less.
  3. Believing in yourself is half the battle. You’re worthy of real love and knowing that is what’ll make you hard to get. You have to refuse to settle because you know that you deserve so much better than that. If you’re desperate for love, then you’ll always be easy. Know that real love is hard to find and that no matter what, he’ll be worth the wait because you deserve something amazing, not something simply available.
  4. Don’t look for any guy, look for the right guy. You shouldn’t just lust after any guy who shows interest in you. You have to be willing to hold out for not just any guy, but THE guy. Settling for Mr. Wrong just keeps you from finding Mr. Right. Being hard to get is all about not saying “yes” to every guy, but saying “hell yes” to the right one.
  5. If you don’t feel a spark, don’t waste your time. Or his. You can’t force something that isn’t there. You can’t make yourself have feelings for someone, so don’t waste your time trying. Instead of making yourself easy, be hard to get so that you only end up dating guys you actually have feelings for.
  6. The easier you are to get, the less he’ll try in the relationship. Relationships take work, but some men just can’t handle that. So how do you sort the good from the bad? Well, the guys who are willing to make an effort will work hard for you from day one. The guys who don’t think you’re worth the fuss are the ones who will slack off in the relationship. It’s as simple as that.
  7. Love isn’t a game — at least it shouldn’t be. Playing hard to get has a bad reputation, but that’s only because people think it’s just another mind game. It’s not — not if you do it right. Being hard to get is all about knowing your own worth. It’s not about leading guys on; it’s about waiting for the right guy because you don’t deserve to settle.
  8. Don’t be afraid to reject and be rejected. Unless you want to say “yes” to every guy who looks in your direction, you’re going to have to hand out a few solid “no”s every now and then. Rejection is a part of life. Think of it this way — it’s worse to waste a man’s time and lead him on when you already know he’s not right for you than it is to gracefully decline. The kinder thing to do is to let him know you’re just not interested so you can both keep looking for real love.
  9. If he really likes you, he’ll know you’re worth the effort. If a man has actual feelings for you, he won’t be afraid to make an effort to win your heart. He’ll take the time to earn your trust and build a solid foundation for a real relationship to grow on. A man who really likes you won’t care if you’re hard to get — he’ll expect you to be because he knows that a girl like you is worth it.
  10. Desperation really does stink. If you’re desperate for love, trust that men will be able to see it. Men don’t want someone who is too available, they like the chase. Not only that, but the second they smell your desperation, they see a woman who is needy. Be the girl who doesn’t need a man and just wants one. Be hard to get and that’s how you’ll get the guy.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.