If You’re Not Worth Any Effort, He’s Not Worth Your Time

It’s hard to find a guy out there who’s worth the effort, especially when so many seem perfectly content to treat you like an option rather than a priority. If any of these things sound like they apply to your relationship, you’re better off leaving him and giving yourself the attention he won’t give you:

  1. Too many of your “dates” take place on the couch. Yeah, it’s fun to chill out, binge watch a show, and gradually start making out. Do that all the time, though, and it quickly becomes clear that your partner isn’t as into this as you are. That’s especially true if you’re the one who plans the few real dates you do have. While your new love interest might just be introverted or shy, make sure he’s actually taking you on real dates, too.
  2. He often bails at the last minute. Things come up sometimes, and that’s fine. However, someone who constantly cancels on you in general isn’t putting in a lot of effort. Specifically waiting until the last minute all the time is just rude — that keeps you in limbo and completely disrespects your time and energy.
  3. He doesn’t want to introduce you to his friends. Typically, if you haven’t met someone’s friends by a month or so into the relationship, it’s pretty much dead in the water. It’s because he doesn’t feel like dealing with the introductions, which can suggest impermanence as well as a lack of effort.
  4. Discussions always turn into lectures. It gets to a point where you’re basically just telling him what to do all the time. Your partner’s not listening, you two don’t talk about important things, and you probably let things build up over time instead of addressing issues when they occur.
  5. Gift-giving is almost always a one-sided exchange. This isn’t necessarily the biggest deal because no relationship should be based on materialism, but you can’t deny that it’s nice to get gifts from your partner. Thoughtlessness is sometimes the cause behind a lack of gift-giving, but so is indifference. There are special circumstances, such as being completely broke, that make this acceptable sometimes, but if you’re giving your boyfriend an Xbox and you get an IOU in return, the effort’s pretty clearly one-sided.
  6. He doesn’t even remember special occasions. Forgetfulness is forgivable, but chronic forgetfulness is more like a message than a lack of memory. It’s not really a big deal if your partner doesn’t remember half-year anniversaries or the date of your first kiss or something. Birthdays, holidays, and major milestones are definitely worth remembering, though.
  7. He takes you for granted. All too soon, the kind things you do are no longer appreciated; now, they’re just expected. You started out doing most of the cooking? Now you’re his personal chef. All those times you thoughtfully picked up dirty clothes or folded the laundry now mean that if you don’t do those chores, they don’t get done. Basically anything nice you do is quickly expected of you like it’s your unpaid internship.
  8. Sex is all about him. Maybe it started out like that and you believed it would get better. Maybe it gradually changed to become all about your partner getting off, but not so much about your satisfaction. At any rate, there comes a point where it feels like work. Foreplay becomes a thing of the past, your partner isn’t interested as often, and when you do manage to hook up, it’s just… eh.
  9. Everything else is a higher priority than you are. It’s not that some things don’t understandably take higher priority at certain times— it’s just that work, friends, family, school, alone time and everything else constantly keep you at the bottom of his list of priorities. How is anybody who does that worth your time?
west virginia native, new hampshire transplant, parisian in the depths of my unimpressed soul. owner of an impressive resting bitch face. writer and reader. fluent in sarcasm and snark. lover of lower case and the oxford comma.