21 Signs It’s Time To Take The Hint — He’s Not Into You

You want him, but things don’t seem to be progressing. In fact, you always feel like you’re just as far off from a relationship as the day you met him. He hasn’t exactly told you that he’s not feeling it outright, but at the same time, his behavior doesn’t really line up with how someone acts when they want to be with you. If he’s displaying any of these signs, it’s time to accept the tough fact that he’s not into you and probably never will be.

  1. He hasn’t stopped talking to other women. If he was that into you, don’t you think he would get rid of his dating apps and stop entertaining other women? If you’ve been “talking” for a while and he’s saying he’s interested but you’re not the only person he’s flirting with, he’s not into you.
  2. He doesn’t text back in a timely matter. Yes, we all have lives and no one has the time to sit there and text you back every five seconds. That doesn’t mean this guy doesn’t have any time to text you back until days later. If he leaves you waiting by the phone, then he obviously doesn’t respect you or your time. So take the clue and look for someone who will actually give a crap.
  3. You’re always making the first move. Why? Because you’re the only one interested in something happening. He’s not just “too scared” to make the first move — he doesn’t want there to be a move at all. He denies your advances so smoothly that you don’t even realize you’ve been rejected, but it’s about time you take the hint that he’s not into you.
  4. He can’t seem to make time for you. A man is never “too busy” to see you… at least, not if he really wants to see you. If he’s interested in you, he’ll make the time to be with you. You deserve someone who can’t seem to stay away, not a man who thinks just about anything is better than being with you. He might have a busy life, but that doesn’t mean you should spend all your time waiting.
  5. Your gut knows something is off. Even if you’re not aware of it, you have a woman’s intuition. When a guy’s not really into you, you can feel it. You might not want to admit it, but you’re not doing yourself any favors by just ignoring it. The sooner you realize that he’s not into you, the sooner you can move on to a man who will be.
  6. He only hits you up when he’s bored, horny, or lonely. He’ll never make actual concrete plans with you. Everything is last-minute because he only wants to see you if he needs something or has nothing better to do. You don’t deserve to be a simple patch to whatever insignificant tear might be in his life. If he really likes you then he’ll want to be with you no matter what he’s feeling.
  7. You’re not confident he has feelings for you. When a man really likes you, you’ll know. If you can’t tell or you’re just not sure, then you’re getting mixed signals for a reason. If he was actually interested, the message would be loud and clear. If he hasn’t acted on his “feelings” by now, it’s because he doesn’t have any — at least, not for you.
  8. He doesn’t hit you up after a date. This should be obvious, but for some reason, that isn’t always the case. You went on a first date, and you thought it was amazing, but then he doesn’t call. So you text him, but then you don’t get a single reply. Maybe he’s just busy? Or maybe you should open your eyes. The date only went great for one of you, and it wasn’t him.
  9. He doesn’t take an interest in getting to know you. He doesn’t really ask about your life because frankly, he doesn’t really care. When you tell him things, he’s not really listening, and he’s never going to remember a word you say. He doesn’t really tell you about his life either. He’s not letting you in because he doesn’t want you in his life.
  10. He tells you he’s not interested in a relationship. This is one of those things a lot of men say so you don’t get your hopes up. You just have to listen. You can try to ignore him or tell him he’s wrong, but he knows himself better than you do. If he says anything about not being interested or ready or good at relationships, then take the hint and run.
  11. He has dismissive body language. Actions really can speak louder than words. People who aren’t interested keep their distance. He not only positions his body to face away from you, but he also avoids eye contact like it will be the death of him. He doesn’t touch your arm or hug you when he sees you. In fact, he avoids physical contact altogether. One thing’s for sure: if his words don’t outright tell you he’s not interested, his body will.
  12. He makes you feel bad about yourself. You’re so into him that it’s making you feel desperate, especially because you seem to be the one taking all the initiative. He doesn’t make you feel special, and you probably feel like crap because he’s treating you the same way he does everyone else. To him, you’re not special — you’re just another girl he’s not interested in. It’s time to move on and find someone who treats you like the catch you are.
  13. You’re always the one reaching out. There’s no way he’s into you if you’re always the one making contact. If he was, he would be reaching out regularly, wanting to find out what you’re up to and when you’re free to hang out. If you constantly feel like you would never talk if you weren’t messaging him, it’s time to face the facts.
  14. He’s always flaking on plans. Sometimes things come up and you have to cancel plans, and that’s fine. However, if he’s always canceling plans last minute and offers the lamest, clearly BS excuses, it’s because he doesn’t want to hang out and doesn’t have the balls to come out and say it. If he liked you, he’d take every opportunity he could to be around you. If that’s not happening, there’s a reason for it.
  15. You don’t really know much about each other. If anyone asked you, you couldn’t really tell them much about his life or who he is deep down. Same goes for him, and that’s because he’s never really asked. There’s been no effort made on his part to get to know where you’re coming from and what makes you tick. Anytime you’ve made the effort to ask him about himself, you get one-word answers and he seems like he can’t really be bothered.
  16. He asks you for dating advice. Is there any clearer sign that he’s not into you than him asking you about other women? Not only is he still seeing other people instead of focusing on his budding relationship with you, but he’s openly asking you what you think about them and how he should handle situations with them. Uh… no.
  17. He’s always flirting with other women. In addition to still seeing other women, he also flirts with them right in front of your face. If you’re out for drinks one night, he has no problems chatting up a woman at the bar while he waits for the bartender to make your drinks. If you were to call him on it, he’d somehow turn it around on you and tell you that you’re being uptight and killing his buzz.
  18. He couldn’t care less when other guys talk to you. When a guy likes you, he has an inherent sense of jealousy when other men are around you. However, it’s pretty clear he isn’t into you if he’s totally unmoved by other guys chatting to you or even flirting with you. In fact, he’s probably wishing you’d just date them instead.
  19. You know you couldn’t rely on him in times of need. If you were in trouble and you really needed help, would you be able to call him and know without a shadow of a doubt that he’d be there? If the answer is no, that’s because you know deep down that he doesn’t really care about you and that you can’t rely on him. Why are you wasting your time on him again?
  20. He never compliments you. In the early stages of dating especially, everything is new and fresh and emotions are running high. A guy who likes you will be literally all over you and won’t be able to get enough of all the little things about you that make you special. If he’s not complimenting you on your amazing sense of humor, your intelligence, or how great you look on a date, it’s because he’s not feeling it. His loss.
  21. He’s always on his phone when you’re together. Phubbing is a serious problem, and when it happens in the early stages of dating, it’s a pretty clear indicator that the person doing it really isn’t into the other. If scrolling through his social media is more interesting than talking to you, it’s because he’s not into you and is too rude to just tell you upfront.

Why you shouldn’t let it get you down

young woman upset texting outdoors©iStock/martin-dm

It’s hard to accept the fact that you’ve spent so much time and energy on a guy only to discover that he’s not into you, but isn’t it better to cut your losses now than it is to keep fooling yourself? The sooner you face reality, the sooner you can walk away from a situation that clearly isn’t serving you. You deserve better and it’s time you start acting like it.

  1. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. No, really. While it may seem like a clear sign that you’re not good enough when he’s not into you, it actually isn’t a reflection on you. There are endless reasons why a person might not romantically like you. Maybe there are things about you that are not his type. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It’s okay to be gutted with disappointment because you liked this person, and we all want the people we like us back. But please don’t sit around thinking that you’re unlovable because one person doesn’t like you.
  2. It’s not you, it’s him. The Huffington Post emphasizes that you deserve someone who is completely into you. So the fact that he’s not into you is a deal-breaker. He’s the one with the problem, not you. While he’s totally entitled not to like you, you don’t have to dwell on it either. Whatever the reason he doesn’t like you, that’s his issue.
  3. Lots of people out there will be into you. You shouldn’t stress about him not liking you because there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Like, millions of fish. There will always be someone who does like you for you. And that person is who you should spend your time pursuing. This is also why you shouldn’t change yourself to impress someone. While your true personality might not be appealing to the person you like right now, it will attract someone else. And that’s the person you should really be with—the one who loves you as you are.
  4. You can’t be with the right person if you’re chasing the wrong one. If your goal is to find a long-term relationship, then you can’t afford to waste time stressing about the guy who’s not into you. Why? Because that stress will take up the space which you should leave for the right person to come into your life. You can’t be with the right person if you’re chasing the wrong one. So once you’ve allowed yourself to process your emotions, let the wrong guy go. Better things are coming.
  5. It’s better to know he’s not into you. As hurtful as it is to find out he’s not into you, it’s better to know the truth. At the very least, you won’t waste time being led on. No one deserves to be in a relationship where the other person is only settling. Knowing his feelings upfront will save you from that kind of situation. It’s better to know the truth so you can deal with it and move on.
  6. You shouldn’t have to be someone you’re not. If a guy only wants you if you’re a certain way, then he’s not right for you. For example, if he only wants you because you’ve landed a great job, or you’ve lost a certain amount of weight, he’s not with you because he loves the essence of who you are. This can lead to you feeling like you have to be someone else to impress him. If the relationship was going to consist of him expecting you to be someone you’re not, then you’ve dodged a bullet.
  7. Everyone experiences rejection at some point. Try not to beat yourself up if the guy you like doesn’t like you back because, as much as it sucks, this kind of rejection is a part of life. Everyone experiences rejection at some point, whether it’s in their personal or professional lives. When you react to rejection in the right way, it can make you stronger and give you a thicker skin. So don’t feel like the world is ending because you got rejected, even if it’s happened more than once. That’s just life.
  8. He’s probably not rejecting you to be mean. If it makes you feel better, the person who doesn’t like you back probably isn’t rejecting you to be mean. Have you ever had to turn someone down who was really into you, and felt terrible about it? That’s probably how he feels. Try not to feel like he’s enjoying your pain and wants to cause you as much distress as possible. This is just something that happens. Unfortunately, no one is obligated to like anyone else. That might be hard to hear when you’re the one getting rejected, but you’ll be thankful for it when you’re propositioned by someone you don’t have feelings for!
  9. You can’t change him. There’s really no point in stressing about the guy who doesn’t have feelings for you because you won’t be able to change him. Generally, there’s not a lot of logic or reason behind why people like who they like. So it’s not a situation where you can quickly change something about yourself to change his mind. And if you can change one thing about yourself to change his mind, you fall back into the trap of having to be someone you’re not. No one deserves to be in a relationship that way.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.