I’m Done Dating Broke Guys, But That Doesn’t Make Me A Gold Digger

I’m not a gold digger — not one little bit — I’m just sick of this generation of guys, many of whom just can’t seem to get their act together. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for a dude who has a car, a job, and a place to live. Call me crazy, but I’ve dated enough broke dudes and I’m not doing it anymore!

He doesn’t have to be rich, but he can’t be a deadbeat. Too much money makes me uncomfortable, but no money makes me frustrated. I can’t relate to a guy who has tons of nice things. Our priorities just aren’t the same. On the other hand, we aren’t in college. I don’t want someone who spends his days sitting on the couch smoking weed and watching sports while bemoaning his lack of funds. Go do something about it, bro.

I don’t want to be with any more guys who make less money than I do. It’s not like I’m a billionaire in the making. I work hard, I do OK and I pay my bills. If I need more money, I work more. The math is simple. It’s depressing dating someone who makes less than I do who has no desire to up his game. I’m all for feminism and strong women and I support role reversal and all that. It’s just that I don’t make enough to support us both. Sorry.

I’m getting too old for that stuff to be cute. Look, we aren’t in our early 20s. We might not be established and working our dreams jobs quite yet, but we should be paying our bills like adults and living outside of our childhood homes. I know, sometimes people have setbacks. Stuff happens. Life happens. It’s all about the ambition and the drive, and 99% of the time if you’re still borrowing money from your parents, you’re bad news.

He doesn’t have to pay for everything, but he should at least cover his half. I’m perfectly down with going dutch. In fact, I usually prefer it, because I have independence and commitment issues. I don’t like owing anyone anything. At the same time, I don’t want to have to pay for both of us all the time. I don’t mind if we switch off, but it should be equal. That’s what a partnership entails — equality.

I’m not sitting on the couch every night because he’s too broke to do anything. I cannot emphasize enough what a huge turn-off it is when a guy can’t afford to go do anything. I’m an adult. I don’t want to go blow hundreds of dollars at a a club, but I do want to experience the world around me. I’m an explorer and an adventurer. If our dating life consists of cooking ramen and watching TV all the time, I’m going to be out the door before you even notice I’m gone. Get your act together and get with the program.

Lack of ambition and drive is gross. No one wants to date a slacker. I don’t equate your worth with the size of your paycheck, but you have to HAVE a paycheck. There’s no excuse at this point in life for you to be unemployed, unless you just lost both your legs in a terrible freak accident or something. Man up and go get a job somewhere, anywhere, so that you can take care of yourself. It’s not that difficult. I’ve been doing it for several years now, and busting my ass to make it in a very expensive city. I expect the same from any guy I’m dating.

I want a life full of adventure and someone who can accompany me for the ride. I do know what it’s like to have barely enough money to get by. I know how much it sucks. Guess what? I did something about it. I worked hard, improved my pay, and now I’m living fairly comfortably. I’m saving all my extra money to travel and experience new things, because that’s something I’ve always wanted to do. If I’m with someone who isn’t down to do the same, it simply won’t work out. I’m into doing so inexpensively, but if you can’t even cover your own rent… no.

If he’s broke in his 30s, I worry about his motivation in all areas. I take a guy’s lack of money in his adult years as a serious indication of problems in other areas. If he’s this unmotivated and unwilling to do what it takes to succeed for himself, how will he step up in a relationship? Will he be proactive and work on our problems together, or take the same passive approach that he takes in his career? It’s a question that warrants careful consideration.

Money management skills are seriously important. When you don’t have a lot of money, you have to ration it carefully. Knowing how to do this is an essential part of life as an adult. If a dude is blowing all his cash on stupid crap, it’s beyond irritating. It’s a sign of immaturity and lack of forethought, and a huge red flag. It might be even worse when he would have plenty of money if he only paid attention to how he’s spending it. Nothing is worse than someone who has a lot of really expensive dumb crap like cars and shoes but also an empty bank account.

I’m no one’s sugar mama. I can’t afford that stuff! I wish I could, but even if I was rich as hell, I wouldn’t pay for his ass. Freeloaders aren’t hot. I would never coast along on some guy’s money, so I don’t want anyone in my life who would do it to me. If he can’t get his act together, further his life and pay for his damn self, I want nothing from him. I don’t care if he’s great in the sack, or super funny, or whatever other superficial charm he’s skating by on. It’s not going to cut it with me.

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