These days, pretty much everyone has some form of social media (or, you know, all forms). It’s bizarre to not find someone on Facebook or Instagram. When it comes to dating someone who’s nowhere to be found online, my mind jumps to the conclusion that they’re crazy cheaters and they’re hiding something. I know this is a stretch but I can’t help how I feel.
Like, why do you have no social media? What’s someone’s reasoning for having no social media at all? I get that some people just don’t like it, they think it’s a waste of time, or they’re away from it for mental health reasons, but some people are definitely off it to hide something. I’m not saying that’s the case for everyone, but I know that some people have secret lives that they want to keep off of the internet.
How do I know if you’re dating someone or not? I try to take people at their word but sometimes they aren’t telling the truth. People lie. I look at women who get duped and think that they’re stupid for letting it happen. Then, it happened to me and I realized that it’s not always so easy to spot a cheater. Perhaps someone has a whole life with someone else that they’re hiding.
What are you hiding? Is it another partner, a wife, a kid? There could be any number of things that someone without social media is hiding from the world (or just from their partner). With the online world, everything is on display. Even if pictures of a partner aren’t on there, there are comments or tags or something. It’s really hard to hide with it.
I know, I know, I have trust issues. This is a bit far out there, I realize, but I have some issues with trust. One of the ways that I assure myself is by seeing my face on my partner’s social media or at least not seeing anyone else’s face. It keeps me feeling OK. I’m sure there are other ways I could self-soothe and learn to trust, but this one is a biggie for me.
I’ve been burned before. I’ve taken a chance on someone who claimed to just not like social media and he turned out to be a cheater. He was super sketchy and even had a second phone that I didn’t know about! I know I’m more prone to be suspicious and I have some work to do in learning to trust, but I still get caught up in worry.
I get a bad feeling about it. I can’t explain it, I just get a feeling in my gut that tells me when I think someone’s sketchy. It doesn’t happen all the time and it’s not 100% accurate but it’s definitely spot on a lot of the time. My gut-meter goes off sometimes when people don’t have social media. It takes a lot for me to trust that someone isn’t hiding a secret life from the world and their partner(s).
I have a current situation that’s making me extra sensitive. I’m talking to a guy right now who only speaks to me on LinkedIn. He doesn’t have a Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, any of that stuff. I just get a bad feeling in my stomach that tells me he’s hiding something. It’s a super weird situation. I’d like to creep on his social media to assure myself that he’s not married or something but alas, I can’t.
I know people will cheat with or without social media. People without social media aren’t a special category of cheaters. No, rather people cheat with or without social media all the time. I’d be interested to see a cheating study of people who don’t have social media vs. those who do. Although this is entirely speculatory and just my opinion, I bet people without it cheat more. Who knows!
OK, I know not every guy without social media accounts is sketchy. I’m sure there are lovely, trustworthy men who just choose not to have social media. They’re really loyal to their partners and not having social media has nothing to do with the need to hide. Maybe I’ll grow to trust that not everyone without social media is hiding something. Perhaps I’ll learn to let someone into my heart and life when I trust them on all other fronts.
I’m trying to get better at not jumping to conclusions. Even as I’m typing through this article, I’m feeling that it’s a bit silly to assume as a blanket statement that all men without social media are untrustworthy. That just can’t be, so I’m trying to get better at discerning when someone isn’t worth trusting and when they are. I’m trying not to base it on their social media status, but rather how they act in the rest of their lives.
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