The Easiest Way To Get A Guy To Be Serious About Me Is To Tell Him I Don’t Want To Date Him

When I notice that there’s no future with the guy I’m dating, I’ll let him know that I’m not looking for anything serious right away. This should at least dull the flame, but it’s kinda funny — telling guys I’m not interested only seems to make them want me more. God knows why rejecting a man increases his interest, but it happens every single time without fail.

  1. They see me as independent and that’s attractive to them. When I tell them that I want to keep things casual, they see me as an independent woman and that seems to turn them on. Guys tend to like a girl who travels the road alone — namely because that’s the way so many of them like to live their lives. They need time to themselves but little do they know, I do too. Yeah, I’m independent, and that’s how I want to stay.
  2. They want what they can’t have. This is true with most things in life. When I was a kid at the grocery store and I needed that package of grape bubble gum, my mom said “no” and instead of going, “Okay, Mom, no prob,” I threw a tantrum. That gum just became 10 times more valuable because someone said I couldn’t have it. So when I tell guys they can’t have me, they can’t help but want to prove me wrong just like I did with the gum.
  3. I’m not like other girls they’ve dated. Guys seem to get a little thrown when I drop this bomb on them. They give me a look as if they weren’t expecting it and aren’t really sure what to do with it. They see me as different from other girls in some way and therefore more attractive, but all I’m doing is being honest with them. I don’t want to get serious and I’m letting them know. That’s fair, right?
  4. I’m playing hard to get by accident. I really don’t mean to do this. I tend to express my need for distance early on in the courtship and by default am playing hard to get — really well, at that. I guess you could say I’m a natural but I’m not even trying. I just let them know what I want from the relationship, but to them, it’s an invitation to keep chasing me.
  5. They think I’ll eventually change my mind. There’s a stereotype out there that women are indecisive. Some guys think that the more times they ask a girl out, the more chances they’re giving her to change her mind and say yes. They think we don’t really know what we want, so when I decisively tell the what I need and desire from a relationship, they don’t believe me! Yes, I can be a bit indecisive about other things in my life, but if I don’t see a future, I’m pretty damn sure about it — trust me.
  6. They can’t accept that I’m low-key rejecting them. When I tell a guy that I don’t wanna get “real” with him, it’s like a low-key rejection. I’m basically telling him he’s not good enough to be my boyfriend or that I’m not sure if it’s going to work out with us long-term. Some guys are relieved when they hear this because they were thinking the same thing, but other guys will become ignited with a new mission to show me how valuable they are as a man. Chill, dude — it’s not that you’re not a good guy, you’re just not good for me.
  7. My time becomes instantly valuable to them. It’s amazing how quickly the tables turn once I make my intentions clear. They know that they’re not at the top of my list, so they put me on the top of theirs. I guess I won the competition on who cares the least, which is essentially what dating has turned into these days. I’m not trying to come off as not caring, I just sincerely don’t feel a strong enough connection and don’t want to pretend I’m into it for more than just casual dating.
  8. I’m doing them a huge favor. If I didn’t say something in the beginning, I would still be dating the guy I kinda don’t really like and it’d be even harder to bring it up. When I tell him that I don’t want anything serious, he should take that as a huge opportunity to move on. I know for a fact that if I don’t let him know my feelings from the get-go, he won’t either. Guys seem to be more okay with a physical relationship with someone they don’t really like, so I feel like it’s up to me to be able to judge whether the relationship is going to be a lasting one.
  9. I’m doing it because I don’t want to date right now, but they think I’m just being coy. The main reason I say this to guys is that I honestly don’t want a serious relationship right now. The secondary reason could also be that I don’t want a serious relationship with that guy in particular. A lot of the time, I feel like my words are falling on deaf ears. They’re hearing it but they think I’m just playing games. Well, I’m not.
  10. The fact that there’s a girl out there who doesn’t want to tiea man down blows their minds. When guys hear me say that I don’t want a boyfriend right now, they think I’m pretty much nuts. Not ever has a guy said, “Oh, I get that.” It’s not their fault, it’s just the way society has taught them that a woman is only valuable when she’s with a man. Little do they know, it’s totally possible for a woman to not want a relationship. I don’t wanna be talked out of it and it’s not an invitation for discussion. I’m just a girl who knows what she wants.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.