I Don’t Think I’ll Ever Find Love & I’m Learning To Find Joy In That

I love being single and I know it’s the best situation for me, but sometimes I do wonder whether I should try harder to find love. While I’ve dated before and had relationships, more and more I find that romantic love doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me and I’m fine with it.

I’ve always found more fulfillment in friendships than romance. I have many relationships in my life that bring me joy, connection, and intimacy in different ways. My connections with my closest friends have always brought me more comfort and security than the romantic relationships I’ve been in. While this doesn’t mean friendships are perfect—sometimes they bring along their own set of issues—I find that platonic love is more valuable to my life than romantic connections.

I don’t find dating easy or fun. Dating has always been a chore for me. While some people love meeting new people and going out on dates, there are those of us who find the whole process stressful and annoying. I’m definitely the latter. It takes time to get to know people on a deep level, and the expectations that surround dating make it hard for me to feel like I can let this process happen naturally. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t see why I should put effort into something I don’t even enjoy when I could be focusing on the aspects of my life that make me happier.

Romantic relationships don’t come naturally to me. Some people seem to fall into relationships but I’ve never been one of them. When I have seriously dated someone, it’s been because I made a conscious choice to put effort into dating and making romance a part of my life. Choosing to date or not date is a personal decision, but I find that the amount of effort I put in didn’t really equal what I got out of these relationships.

I struggle to connect with people on a romantic or sexual level. For whatever reason, romantic partnerships just don’t seem to work with me on some level. There have been times in my life where I’ve really craved these connections, whether because I was lonely or because I thought I was missing out on something. Overall, I’ve struggled to find these connections. I’ve never been in love with anyone in that way, at least not on any level that matters. Over time, I realize more and more that this fact isn’t a failing.

I enjoy the freedom of being single too much. Deciding to not put my effort and energy into dating and relationships, especially when they come at such a high cost to me, has freed up a lot of space to focus on other things in my life. My career has grown and progressed substantially in the past couple of years and I’ve been able to focus more on other creative projects and traveling. While this isn’t to say I couldn’t do these things in a relationship, but I tend to go overboard and struggle to find balance.

There are days I do wish for love but they always pass. While I’ve been learning to love being single more and more and love that romance doesn’t seem to work out well for me, I still have days when I feel lonely and unsure. There are times when I have a crush on someone or times when I’ve been rejected. These situations sting and they make me wonder if I’m worthy of love. It’s totally all right to have these feelings and these days. Being human is complicated, and it’s alright to have some self-doubts.

There are other ways to find fulfillment in life. One other thing that makes feeling happy about my single state of being so hard is living in a culture that’s so focused on romantic love. People need love and connection, this is true, but there are many ways to find intimacy and love. Monogamous, serious relationships are not the only way.

I either care too much or not enough—I’d rather not bother. One thing that has helped me feel better about being single is realizing that I’m just not great in relationships. Sometimes my single status is very much a choice, while other times it has been less so. But, overall, I don’t function that well in relationships. I seem to be too all or nothing. Either I get too invested in the relationship to the detriment of everything else in my life or I find myself not being interested at all.

Never say never, but I’ll probably be single for the foreseeable. While I don’t know what the future has in store and I am open to different possibilities, I don’t think romantic love is in the cards for me. I’m happy with the path I have chosen to be on, and I understand that my road might take a turn later on. For now, I’m learning to find joy and fulfillment without romantic love.

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