Ever feel like every guy you break up with finds his all-time dream girl immediately after you? You aren’t alone. It’s as if you’re training wheels for the real thing, a starter wife until he figures out what he really wants, and that seriously blows. Being the girl right before The Girl feels crappy, but eventually you’ll realize it’s not as bad as it seems.
It’s like life is playing a joke on you.
Come on, really? Every single time? Nothing rubs the salt in the wound of heartbreak more than seeing your ex moving on happily with a new girl. It just gets worse when that ends up being his wife and/or the mother of his children. For some inexplicable reason, the sting is harsher if it’s the woman he met when he was trying to get over you. After this happens three or four times, you start feeling a little crazy.
You prepped him for success… with someone else.
Why are you doing all this work with a guy only to have his next girlfriend reap the benefits? That’s plain depressing. You helped him become a better partner, but it wasn’t working out anyway. As soon as he began changing for the better, he decided he wanted to move on. It’s messed up, but it happens all the time. Even if he improved in a million ways, sometimes things just aren’t meant to be.
It feels supremely unfair.
Yup, newsflash — life usually isn’t fair. That’s the way the cookie crumbles, and you gotta deal with it. Still, does this have to happen every single time? Shouldn’t once — just once — you be the one he’s been searching for? Instead you’re left sad and alone while he parades his new romance all over social media.
You feel like damaged goods.
How could you not? No matter what you do, your relationships aren’t working out. Then, just to make it worse, he’s moving on and quickly. It’d be a little better if it was only a rebound, but when it’s super serious, that just makes you feel like crap. You’re an awesome human being. What’s so different about her? You’ll drive yourself insane trying to figure out why it’s so great for them when it wasn’t for you.
You question whether you’re the issue.
The constant questioning and comparison will of course lead you to this insecurity. It must be you, right? Otherwise, why would this keep happening? Something is going very, very wrong and the only common denominator is… you. This dangerous line of thinking could send you into a tailspin of insecurity and self-doubt. It might even make you want to swear off dating all together.
Time alone suddenly seems like a blessing.
Better to figure out your own crap than waste any more time and energy on a guy who isn’t the one for you. Obviously something is going very wrong, so what better chance to work on yourself and consciously change your bad patterns? There’s no time like the present. Figure out what you need to do in order to recognize a great guy when he does show up in your life.
You secretly hope their romance isn’t as great as it looks.
It’s so easy to make your life look amazing on social media. If you’re doing a lot of jealous post-breakup stalking, your ex’s new love probably inspires a lot of envy in you. Think back, though — what did your own Facebook and Instagram look like when you were dating? You probably didn’t share pictures or stories about the fights, the bad times, all the nights you stayed up crying your eyes out. It’s very likely that they aren’t as amazingly happy as they appear either. Even if they are, it doesn’t matter. The bottom line is that it’s none of your business, and you have to move on. Focus on finding that happy ending of your own.
You realize you’re picking all the wrong guys.
It’s sort of true…you are the issue – but not in the way you think. It’s not so much that you’re not the right girl but that you’re choosing guys who aren’t right for you. You feel like you’re the placeholder, but it’s actually him! You’re making all your relationship mistakes on these duds so you won’t do it when the right one comes along. Thinking of it in this way allows you to regain your power and sense of self.
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