Every Time I Ask For What I Need, I Get Ditched, And I’m Sick Of It

I’m starting to feel like I have an invisible sign hanging over my head that says, “Hey, emotionally unavailable men apply here!” I’m a strong woman and I know what I want. Apparently, that makes me undesirable in today’s world and I’m sick of it. If a guy can’t deal with me, he should just leave me alone.

  1. I don’t ask for much and yet no man can handle it. I’m not particularly needy. I don’t care about money or possessions. I have a busy life and I like my space. Still, when I ask for the basics, men balk at providing them. I’m sorry, but I’m damn well not going to do all the work here. It’s not my responsibility to hold a guy’s hand through a relationship.
  2. As soon as I’m not the “cool” girl, everything falls apart. Everyone knows who the “cool” girl is — that dream fantasy girl that all men seem to want and who doesn’t have any actual needs. Basically, a robot woman who’s fine with however a man treats her and exists just to make his life easier. It grosses me out that any guy actually thinks he deserves this in life, as if the feelings of another human being aren’t important. I’m not going to pretend for anyone.
  3. I’m a grown woman — I have feelings and I won’t deny them. Yes, I’m complex and emotionally sensitive and intelligent, and all that makes me uniquely myself. If a guy doesn’t want to deal with a real relationship with a real woman, then he shouldn’t mess with me in the first place. At least I’m not passive-aggressive — I’ll always be honest and say what I’m feeling.
  4. I’m upfront and every guy runs away from me — it’s pathetic. I tell all guys I date in the very beginning — I don’t like games and I don’t play them. I’m open and honest and I say what I mean. If guys are intimidated by the fact that I won’t put up with BS, they’re not real men in my opinion. I’m so tired of being genuine and having that be an issue instead of a highly prized quality.
  5. Men play games with me anyway then take off. They say they are totally down with what I’m saying and hate games too, but they’re full of it. They want their egos stroked, they want to get a woman in bed, and then they don’t want to deal with actual feelings. It’s a rampant problem. I demand better and they simply leave because they know they can find some silly girl out there who won’t ask for what she deserves.
  6. I won’t let all these weak dudes make me afraid to speak up. I’m a tough person who’s worked hard and dealt with a lot to become someone who can stand up for myself. I won’t let some immature guys who have no self-confidence of their own ruin all my tireless efforts. I will just continue to be myself until the man who values me comes along.
  7. I’m pretty good at being single and this behavior makes me want to stay that way. I am tired of putting myself out there over and over only to be denied for it. It’s tough even for a strong human like me to be rejected time and time again simply for being who I am. No one likes that. I don’t get rejected when I’m single — I’m surrounded by a network of friends and family who love me for me.
  8. The guys I meet also can’t handle it when I need something more/different than they’re offering me sexually. Asking for what I need in bed is always a delicate situation, but I handle it in the best way I know how. I try to be as gentle and honest as possible and I encourage a dialogue so we both get what we need. Some guys have such fragile egos that they can’t handle the least little bit of criticism when it comes to their sexual technique. They ditch me rather than try to improve. Boy, bye.
  9. I’m a simple woman but I want a strong love. Apparently, this is absolutely terrifying to a lot of guys. I don’t know why. In what fantasy world do they think that this isn’t what all women want anyway? It’s disgusting that some men let women subvert their needs so that they can have some crappy no-strings-attached relationship. I know they know better — they just pretend they don’t so they don’t have to give up their convenient quasi-girlfriend.
  10. Every time I think a guy is different, he ends up doing the same thing. I’m so over dating. I finally really like someone and get my hopes up because he seems so different. He treats me well, he listens to me, and he seems to take everything I say in stride. I think, finally! A man who understands, appreciates, and accepts me! About time. Then we have some tiny conflict and suddenly he decides he can’t possibly give me what I need and takes off. Seriously?
  11. I’m starting to think it’s me even though I know better. It’s tough not to feel bad about myself when this keeps happening. Am I really so undeserving of a decent love from a decent guy? I know deep down that I can have more, but the world is throwing so much opposite information my way that I get very discouraged. I feel invisible to any man who could possibly see my worth.
  12. Maybe it is me — picking all the wrong guys. This is also frustrating because I’ve spent the past two years working on myself and trying to figure out all my issues. I’ve logged major hours growing and bettering myself so that I won’t make the same mistakes anymore. Then I think I’m doing better and end up in the same situations despite all this. How can that be possible? It’s easier to not pick any guy at all than to keep picking the guys who can’t make me happy.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.