Should I Text A Guy Who Ghosted Me?

Should I Text A Guy Who Ghosted Me?

When you really like a guy and he goes AWOL out of nowhere, it really sucks. You feel like crap because you wasted time (yet again!) on someone who didn’t even have the decency to tell you that he wasn’t interested in you anymore. You might even start to convince yourself that maybe he’s not actually gone for good and maybe you got it wrong. If you just reached out, you might get an explanation and be able to get things back on track. So should you text the guy who ghosted you or what? Here are some things to consider.

  1. You might not get the closure you’re seeking. Maybe you want to text the guy who ghosted you in order to get “closure” on whatever you had going on. You think that by talking to him one last time, he might open up about what went wrong or give you some other feedback that would make the disappointment easier to swallow. Sadly, that’s not likely to happen. If he was considerate and thoughtful, he would have told you straight up that it wasn’t working out anymore. Trying to chase him for it will likely be a fruitless effort and you’re wasting your time. Not only that, but you’ll end up feeling worse.
  2. You don’t want to give him the satisfaction of hearing from you. In many ways, he’ll probably feel powerful because he’s the one who cut you off without a word. By deciding to text the guy who ghosted you, you’re basically affirming that he’s the one in control and that you’re more into him than he ever was into you. While that might be true, you kinda don’t want to give him the added satisfaction of reaching out. His disappearance should be the end of it. It’s up to you to hold your head up high and walk away.
  3. There are other ways to get things off your chest. You don’t necessarily have to text the guy who ghosted you in order to say what’s on your mind. Not only will it probably not make a difference to him — he didn’t care enough about you to be upfront about not wanting to see you anymore, so he’s not going to suddenly become contrite and realize where he went wrong. If you’re literally bursting with things to say to/about him, why not journal about it? Write a letter you’ll never send. Talk to your friends, who will likely be more than happy to commiserate with you, especially if they’re single and have been through the same thing.
  4. He probably doesn’t want to talk to you. If he did, the guy wouldn’t have ghosted you, so sending him a text is yet another waste of time. Exiting your life without a word was his way of cutting off communication. If he was really a jerk, he might even have blocked you on everything so your message wouldn’t reach him elsewhere. You’re worth way too much to be lowering yourself to going after someone who doesn’t see your value.
  5. There are decent guys out there who wouldn’t do this to you. Before you text a guy who ghosted you, think about how you could make better use of your time. For instance, wouldn’t you be better off cutting the dead weight from your life (i.e. the loser who went AWOL) and concentrating on guys who are actually excited about getting to know you and who feel lucky to have that opportunity? Once you reframe your perspective, you’ll want to put down your phone.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love.