You meet a guy you connect with right off the bat and he seems just as into you as you are into him. Things are going well and you’re having tons of fun. You’re not official or anything yet, but you can totally see things headed in that direction. Then suddenly, he stops talking to you despite thinking you’re so great. What gives? Why do guys go quiet when they (supposedly) like you?
Why guys go quiet when they like you
If you’re seeing someone who suddenly goes radio silent, here’s what could be going on with him.
- He worries he’s not good enough for you. If you’re super accomplished, incredibly confident, and very attractive, he might worry he’s not on your level. Sometimes guys go quiet even when they like you because they’re insecure in themselves. They know (or at least think) you could have any guy you want, so why would you pick them?
- He’s shy. Yes, this does happen. It’s possible that he doesn’t have much experience with women or he’s just naturally more reserved. In that case, he’s naturally going to pull back a bit no matter how into you he is. It’s just not in his nature to act otherwise, as frustrating as that can be.
- He’s been hurt before. Women aren’t the only ones who get their heart broken. Men do too. If he’s been through a really bad relationship in which he was dumped, cheated on, or otherwise betrayed, he’s naturally going to be hesitant in future relationships. It’s not a reflection on you. It’s his own stuff to work through.
- He’s a commitmentphobe. Yes, guys sometimes go quiet when they like you because they’re not interested in an actual relationship. A hookup, sure, but anything beyond that just doesn’t interest them. It’s possible the man you’re into feels the same, but he’s torn. That’s because he knows he’s not interested in dating you properly.
- He doesn’t want to hurt you. If he has a history of being a player or a womanizer, he’s going to think twice if he actually likes you. He knows his reputation as a heartbreaker and if he legitimately cares about you, he won’t want you to be his next victim. So, he goes quiet because he thinks that’s the only way forward.
- He doesn’t want to rush things. Just because he’s not on you like white on rice doesn’t mean he’s going off you. It’s possible he’s taking things slowly and has gone quiet to stop the mad rush that’s been happening between you. It’d be nice if he communicated that directly, of course.
- He’s still figuring out how he feels about you. Just because he likes you doesn’t mean he’s 100% sure of that feeling from the beginning. Maybe you’ve piqued his interest but he’s not sure exactly how much and whether he actually wants to do anything about it. In this case, his silence is to buy him more thinking time.
- He already has a girlfriend. Guys who like you but who go quiet out of nowhere sometimes do so because they’re already in relationships. Maybe this dude has a girlfriend and got a little carried away with the flirty conversations you’ve been having. He doesn’t want to come clean, but he’s also not a total bastard content to cheat. So, he zips his lips instead.
- He doesn’t know how to deal with his feelings. As sad as this is, especially in today’s day and age, feelings can be overwhelming for guys. Many men are still taught to compartmentalize their emotions so as to avoid dealing with them. If he’s falling for you or senses he might, that could freak him out, leading him to shut down.
- He doesn’t want to freak you out. So, say he’s really into you. He hasn’t liked a woman this much in a long time, possibly ever. That’s intense and it could freak you out. He doesn’t want you to think he’s some kind of weirdo, so he keeps his feelings to himself. Sadly, that often leads him to say nothing at all.
- He’s scared of rejection. If you haven’t given him a reason to believe you’re as into him as he is into you (or he’s just really bad at believing it), he might clam up because he doesn’t want to be rejected. Guys who admit they like you feel vulnerable, and sometimes they go quiet as a way to protect themselves. It’s counterproductive, but many of them don’t realize it.
- He’s worried your feelings might be stronger than his. On the flip side, if you’ve been very open about how into him you are and he’s not on the same page, he might start pulling away and saying less so as not to lead you on further. He doesn’t want to come out and say it, but you like him more than he likes you. He hopes things will peter out on their own.
What to do when he suddenly goes quiet
- Tell him how much you like him. If you think he’s genuine about liking you, make sure he knows you feel the same. Doing this could give him the confidence he needs to go all-in on a possible relationship. After all, we all need a little reassurance sometimes, right?
- Be willing to make the first move (or the next one). If shyness is behind his quietness, why don’t you take the reins? In the 21st century, it shouldn’t be up to guys alone to make all the moves. If you’re into him, go for it. This is not only incredibly sexy, but it’s also likely to get the ball rolling in the right direction.
- Be his sounding board. If he has reservations about getting into another relationship due to past experiences, hear him out. Let him get things off his chest and avoid the temptation to get defensive or explain why you’re different. He’ll learn that with time. The best thing you can do is simply listen to him without judgment or interruption.
- Try and be patient. Let him go at his own pace. It may be slower than you’d like, but that’s not always a bad thing. Taking time to truly get to know each other and think before making the next move could be the best thing for you future relationship.
- Walk away if things aren’t progressing. While going slow and being understanding are good practices to put in place, you can only wait around so long. If he goes quiet for weeks on end or simply isn’t putting in any effort, it’s clearly not going to work. He might like you, but not enough. Time to move on.