Ew, Dude — Quit Hitting On Me While You’re In A Relationship

You have a girlfriend who you supposedly love, yet you’re constantly talking to and flirting with me. You text me constantly and we weren’t friends before your relationship started, so there’s clearly something wrong here. What the hell?

  1. I won’t be the “other woman.” I might want a boyfriend, but I’m not so desperate as to steal another woman’s boyfriend. I have no interest in being your side piece or hookup buddy. I may not know your girlfriend but I can put myself in her shoes, and I don’t want to be any part of that betrayal. The weirdest part is, from the way you’re acting, it seems like I care about her a hell of a lot more than you do.
  2. She deserves better than this. She doesn’t deserve a man who doesn’t fully appreciate her. She deserves your full attention. She deserves a man who loves her and only her. You need to stop talking to me, stop texting me, and stop hitting on me. You can claim this is innocent flirting, but there’s nothing innocent about it. Stop thinking about yourself and instead, think of her for once.
  3. If it was real love, your eyes wouldn’t wander. Men who are actually in love don’t cheat. They never even come close to crossing that line because they love their girlfriends far too much to risk losing them. That’s the kind of guy you should be, so keep your eyes on your girlfriend and if you do choose to wander, stay away from me.
  4. If you’re not ready to be with just one woman then you should be single. Taking too much interest in another woman when you already have a girlfriend is player 101 behavior. It’s time for you to grow up. If you want to be in a relationship, then you need to learn how to be mature. Stop being so selfish. If you don’t want her and only her, then you’re not ready for a relationship and you’re both better off single.
  5. Stop looking for comfort outside of your relationship. If there are problems in your relationship, then fix them. Turning to me isn’t going to help your situation. You need to communicate with your girlfriend that you’re unhappy. Making this a love triangle isn’t going to make your life any easier. The only way to fix the problems in your relationship is to acknowledge them by seeking the comfort of your girlfriend, not me.
  6. Most women would rather be broken up with than cheated on. Don’t keep leading her on if your heart isn’t really in it. If she’s not “the one” then let her know before you waste any more of her time. She deserves to be with a man who’s fully devoted to her and if you can’t be that guy, then you need to let her go. She’ll get over the breakup, but the betrayal of cheating would stay with her forever.
  7. Emotional affairs are still affairs. Flirting with and becoming emotionally attached to another woman can be just as bad as sleeping with her and just as hurtful to your girlfriend. You can’t be thinking of me when you should be thinking of her. You shouldn’t be excited about the next time you see me, hear from me, or talk to me. The only woman you should have butterflies for is your girlfriend.
  8. Next time you want to hit me up, text your girlfriend instead. I’m sure she’d love to hear from you. She’s the one you should be divulging your deepest, darkest secrets to. It’s her who should be your confidant. You should be telling her all about your day as well as your thoughts and feelings. I shouldn’t be the girl you want to listen to you — that’s her job, and I think she’s more than happy to do it or else she wouldn’t be with you.
  9. What’s the purpose in our “talking”? Be honest here — what do you really want from me? You’re not talking to me like a friend. You’re clearly flirting with me, so what’s your goal here? I’m not naïve. You have a girlfriend but you completely ignore that like you’re trying to make me forget she exists. Well, I haven’t forgotten. I never will. We both know exactly what you’re doing. You’re trying to have your cake and eat it too, but I won’t be your side piece.
  10. If you love her, then it’s time to start acting like it. The more you talk to me the more you make me a part of your life, but the thing is there’s no room for me in your life. You’re not single. You’re in a relationship so start acting like it. If you love her, then be with her and commit to her 100 percent. You can’t have one foot in the relationship and one foot out the door. At the end of the day, if you love your girlfriend, then you shouldn’t be talking to me.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.