My Ex Dumped Me Because I Was “Too Perfect”—Wait, What?

My breakup came out of nowhere and my former boyfriend’s explanation for it was something I’ve never heard before and made me question our entire relationship. My ex told me that I was “too perfect” and he couldn’t be with me because he was afraid that I would eventually resent him for being with someone who wasn’t on my level. Uh, what?

  1. He said he felt inadequate when he was around me. I don’t see why I should have to get my heart broken because of his insecurities. The thing is, I had NO idea he thought I was too good for him. I guess he was always comparing himself to me and constantly felt he was coming up short. However, this was all one-sided; the thought didn’t cross my mind even once because I honestly saw us as equals. I guess that goes to show you never know what’s going on in someone’s mind.
  2. Apparently, I was on a “higher level.” He said that I was above him. He wasn’t exactly accusing me of acting like I was better than him, but he thought it nonetheless. Again, I never felt this way at all and in fact, I thought he was an amazing human that I felt lucky to have in my life. That didn’t change his feelings, unfortunately.
  3. Clearly I wasn’t worth the effort it would take to get on whatever level he thought I was on. That got me thinking: if he really loved me the way he said he did, why didn’t he buck up and try to be a better man? It’s kinda sad actually that he couldn’t do it or just didn’t want to. He must have had a really broken past that he couldn’t even try to be on “my level,” whatever that meant to him.
  4. He kept saying that I deserve better. He also said that he would look at other couples around him and realize that he didn’t have it in him to provide for me at that level. He was putting all of these crazy expectations on himself that I never once requested of him. I can honestly say that I don’t care about all those extra things. I don’t even know what those things are! All I want is someone to be there for me, but he expected more of himself, I guess.
  5. I shouldn’t be abandoned for being “too good.” How messed up is it that I was dumped because I was “too good” of a girlfriend? He kept saying I was amazing, the most beautiful person he’d ever met, and that he’d never felt so close to anyone else. Then he turned around and said that he couldn’t be with me for those exact reasons. What the hell?
  6. I was only trying to be a good girlfriend for him. I was just doing what any decent woman would do for her boyfriend. I was in no way “perfect,” I was just being a regular, good person. Sure, I would buy him gifts, do him favors, comfort him, etc. Isn’t that what all partners do? I can’t imagine I did anything to put the idea that I was “too perfect” in his head. And even if I was a perfect girlfriend, isn’t that what every guy wants?!
  7. He jumped into a relationship too quickly without considering whether or not he was ready for one. This is a classic mistake made by millions of men across the globe. Maybe he wasn’t in the right place to be in a relationship when we first met, but he clearly ignored that feeling and went ahead with it anyway, using the excuse that I was too perfect as a way to get out of it. Really, though, he just wasn’t ready to handle me in the first place.
  8. He would’ve fought for me if he really thought I was worth it. I always say this to myself when I’m grappling with a breakup. If he REALLY was in love with me, he would have fought for me. Clearly, it doesn’t really matter why he broke up with me, all I need to know is that it wasn’t a match. That’s it.
  9. I guess he just wasn’t up for the challenge of dating a girl who’s good at relationships. When I’m in a relationship, I really commit and go all-in because in the end, that’s what a romantic relationship is: a commitment between two people to be there for each other. That’s exactly what I did. The fact that he thought that was “too much” and grounds to end things is very odd.
  10. I’ve come to realize it was all because of his own insecurities. After beating myself up over it, I’ve come to realize that his actions were solely fuelled by his low-self esteem. If his reason for breaking up with me is true, then he must be struggling with some real feelings of low self-worth.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.