Most of us want the guy we date to at least have a high-paying job and to be able to spoil us rotten, but not me. I’ve been with rich dudes and they were always ultimately boring, superficial, and really had their heads up their own backsides. I’m at a point where I exclusively date broke guys — here’s why.
- Broke men are confident. A lot of guys like to lead with their success when they approach you. They’ll ask what you do so that they can impress you with their job title. They’ll offer to drop you home so that they can impress you with their car. All of that is a crutch, and what often lies underneath is men with no confidence. Broke men are the polar opposite. They lead with the deeper parts of who they are. They don’t have material things to fall back on so they learn to be confident in the things that honestly matter. I don’t know about you, but I’m done stroking the male ego. Bring on a man that’s chosen to focus on refining his personality!
- Broke men focus on showing love in other ways. When you can’t go eat at a hundred different restaurants or travel to far-off locations, you have to be creative. Broke men focus on creating experiences. My ex was broke and we still had more fun at parks, festivals, and at friends’ houses than I ever did at the fanciest restaurants. I’m not saying successful guys don’t focus on experiences too, it’s just that they tend to be their last thought. When you have money, it’s so easy to get something expensive to say “I’m thinking of you.” Broke men have to take the time to think of gifts and ways to show affection. You’d be impressed with how some of these shared experiences make you closer.
- Broke men are less hung up on traditional gender roles. Most of us want a happy medium that’s hard to achieve, but I’ve got good news for you ladies! The fact that broke men can’t be providers means that they’re less hung up on gender roles. The fact that you probably earn more than them pushes all of that to the back burner. Instead, you can focus on finding what works best for both of you.
- Broke men respect your hustle. We’ve all been there with a successful man: he finishes work early and wants to take you out to dinner, you tell him you’re working late at your entry-level job, he makes a joke about how what you’re doing can’t be all that important. Now, this is an extreme example, but my point holds true. A lot of successful men have forgotten what it took for them to get to where they are. Broke men understand what it means to hustle. They have goals to get out of this phase of their lives. A broke man will never put you down for trying to better your life.
- Broke men are happy to share the spotlight. I remember the day I told a successful ex about the small bonus I got. He brushed that news aside like it was nothing before proceeding to tell me about the big contract he landed. I know that in the grand scheme of things, a small bonus doesn’t compare to a massive deal, but it was still an achievement for me. Broke men understand that any step forward is something to be celebrated. They’ll never steal the spotlight because when you’ve been in the dumps, you understand the need to celebrate every victory. That’s one thing I love about dating broke men—they celebrate with me.
- Broke men are more supportive. Again, this isn’t because they have more time on their hands. On the contrary, a lot of broke men work just as hard as successful men, it’s just that they haven’t had much luck. This is why broke men are supportive. They understand what it’s like to grind for an extended period. A broke guy will listen to your dreams and dream along with you. He knows what its like to chase down something that seems far away and will do everything in his power to help get you to where you want to be. In other words, broke men will be there for you.
- Broke men are more appreciative. I love to give gifts to my partners — it’s my love language. It’s not really about the present but about the thought, sacrifice, and effort I put into it. A lot of successful guys will take a gift and say, “That’s nice. I’ll use it.” While that’s an OK response, it’s not what I’m after. Broke guys are more attuned to the fact that I spent money on a gift, that I took time after work to get it. I guess what I’m saying is that broke guys understand the struggle so they’re more appreciative of the good that comes their way.
- Broke men are more patient. All men start off broke. Only a few are born with trust funds that will last a lifetime. Broke men are merely men for whom luck hasn’t struck. Success has a lot to do with luck — I know guys and gals that were at the top of their class and who have applied for thousands of jobs and are still jobless. Broke men understand that things take time, so I find that they’re a lot more patient in other areas of their lives. They especially tend to be more patient with their partners in terms of wanting relationships to progress quickly. It’s ridiculously refreshing to hear a guy say, “You’ve got time. Don’t stress yourself out.”
- Broke men have potential. While I’d be happy to date and marry a man that was broke, I know most of you aren’t, so let me comfort you in letting you know that most broke men won’t stay broke. Everyone wants a level of success. We want to be able to provide for ourselves and contribute positively to the lives of others. All broke men have potential, so don’t write him off because he doesn’t have it all together right now.
However, there are a few caveats to my love of broke guys…
- He doesn’t have to be rich, but he can’t be a deadbeat. Too much money makes me uncomfortable, but no money makes me frustrated. I can’t relate to a guy who has tons of nice things. Our priorities just aren’t the same. On the other hand, we aren’t in college. I don’t want someone who spends his days sitting on the couch smoking weed and watching sports while bemoaning his lack of funds. Go do something about it, bro.
- I’m getting too old for that stuff to be cute. Look, we aren’t in our early 20s. We might not be established and working our dreams jobs quite yet, but we should be paying our bills like adults and living outside of our childhood homes. I know, sometimes people have setbacks. Stuff happens. Life happens. It’s all about the ambition and the drive, and 99% of the time if you’re still borrowing money from your parents, you’re bad news.
- He doesn’t have to pay for everything, but he should at least cover his half. I’m perfectly down with going dutch. In fact, I usually prefer it, because I have independence and commitment issues. I don’t like owing anyone anything. At the same time, I don’t want to have to pay for both of us all the time. I don’t mind if we switch off, but it should be equal. That’s what a partnership entails — equality.
- I’m not sitting on the couch every night because he’s too broke to do anything. I cannot emphasize enough what a huge turn-off it is when a guy can’t afford to go do anything. I’m an adult. I don’t want to go blow hundreds of dollars at a a club, but I do want to experience the world around me. I’m an explorer and an adventurer. If our dating life consists of cooking ramen and watching TV all the time, I’m going to be out the door before you even notice I’m gone. Get your act together and get with the program.
- Money management skills are seriously important. When you don’t have a lot of money, you have to ration it carefully. Knowing how to do this is an essential part of life as an adult. If a dude is blowing all his cash on stupid crap, it’s beyond irritating. It’s a sign of immaturity and lack of forethought, and a huge red flag. It might be even worse when he would have plenty of money if he only paid attention to how he’s spending it. Nothing is worse than someone who has a lot of really expensive crap like cars and shoes but also an empty bank account.
- I’m no one’s sugar mama. I can’t afford that stuff! I wish I could, but even if I was rich as hell, I have no interest in paying broke guys’ way. Freeloaders aren’t hot. I would never coast along on some guy’s money, so I don’t want anyone in my life who would do it to me. If he can’t get his act together, further his life and pay for his damn self, I want nothing from him. I don’t care if he’s great in the sack, or super funny, or whatever other superficial charm he’s skating by on. It’s not going to cut it with me.