What To Expect When Dating A Highly Emotional Guy

All you want is a man who’s sensitive and isn’t afraid to show his emotions. That’s great… in movies. In real life, all it takes is a few weeks to realize sensitive usually means highly emotional. It’s like trying to date yourself when your hormones are going haywire. See? Not fun. Don’t get me wrong — these guys have some great qualities. You just need to know what to expect before jumping in. Here are some things you should expect when dating an emotional man.

Why are some guys more emotional than others?

If only we knew! This is a question with many answers, especially since there are so many different variables. While many of us dream of finding an emotional man who’s in touch with his feelings, knows how to communicate, and has high EQ, they do seem few and far between. Sadly, it’s likely because a lot of men are still taught from an early age to “man up” and that feelings = weakness. That leads to adults who are anything but well-adjusted. You’ve probably even dated a few guys like this yourself. They’re distant, avoid real intimacy, and are often afraid of commitment… you get the picture.

That being said, things are getting better. There’s more attention being paid to men’s mental health these days, and it’s about time. After all, decades of swallowing your emotions and pretending they don’t exist is bound to take its toll on anyone. As boys (and men) are encouraged to feel their feelings and express them, we’re slowly starting to see a change. It’s a slow process, but I have faith we’ll get there.

Of course, research suggests that men are just as emotional as women, and there are a fair number of men out there who have been in touch with their feelings forever.Maybe they were raised by women who encouraged their sensitivity and softness and instilled in them the ability to openly discuss their emotions. Or, perhaps they’re innately emotional and have always embraced it. However it comes about, you should embrace it too. Dating a highly emotional man comes with its share of challenges, but there are even more benefits.

What to expect when dating an emotional man

1. He says “I love you” way too early. I honestly had the emotional guy I was dating say “I love you” the second day we were together. There was a date, we hit it off and the next day he said it. I think I mumbled some kind of pig Latin back. It freaked me out, but he was completely sincere. I tried to keep avoiding it, but he wanted to talk about it. Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last.
2. You make him cry… a lot. Okay, I think I lost count around 10. Yes, I made this poor guy cry more than 10 times. What did I do? Beats the hell out of me. I didn’t like a song he listened to. I didn’t want to double with his friends on the first day of my period. Be prepared for some very unmanly tears over the craziest things.
3. He’s more indecisive than you. If you get into the whole “What do you want to do?” / “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” loop, it won’t end. You will need to make the decision. I even had to help one emotional guy decide what to order for dinner.
4. You can’t hide your feelings, ever. I’m not the most open person, especially at first. While it’s kind of nice that he knew something was up, it was kind of freaky too. Even before we started dating, he could tell my every mood with a glance. If you have a hard time expressing your emotions, an emotional guy might be a great choice.
5. You always know how he’s feeling. Tired of men who just grunt and never show any emotion? Yeah, I didn’t realize there was an extreme opposite man. Not only are his emotions blatantly obvious, he’ll likely give you a detailed update on what’s going on in his life, how he feels about it, and how he thinks others feel about it.
6. You have to think about every word. When you’re dating an emotional guy, you can bet that he’ll pay attention to every single word that comes out of your mouth. The problem is that he’ll also tend to overanalyze your every word. I mentioned liking an actor in some movie and suddenly he thought I wanted him to look exactly like that. So be careful what you say or he will read too much into it.
7. He shares and shares and shares some more. From your first date, you’ll know everything about him. I appreciated the openness and honesty. I really didn’t need to know about every ex, his parents’ life story, his collection of tigers, or his not-so-secret obsession with boy bands during our first major conversation. On the other hand, hearing him sing N’SYNC was hilarious and slightly disturbing.
8. Chick flicks are your future. Think you like chick flicks? He’ll like them even more. He’ll usually want to try out a lot of what he sees. Honestly, these guys are just hopeless romantics. Enjoy it. While he might go overboard sometimes, it’s kind of sweet.
9. Everything’s a disaster. When you’re dating an emotional guy, he will freak out over pretty much everything. He sees any bad thing that happens as a sign that worse things are about to happen. Did your haircut go horribly wrong? He’ll think you’re trying to look bad so he’ll dump you. I can’t even explain just how far-reaching his thinking truly is. Just expect to calm him down often.
10. He can’t stop texting you. Forget about never hearing from him. Dating an emotional guy means he’ll text and call you constantly. I actually had one call him every few hours just so he could hear my voice and I quote “not miss a single moment of my incredible life.” Yes, very creepy. Yes, that ended quickly too.
11. He loves making big romantic gestures. Okay, so this is an awesome thing about dating an emotional guy. It’s easy to get spoiled when he’s always treating you. Guys like this remember everything you tell them and every tiny milestone in your relationship. They love celebrating and surprising you. Some of his ideas won’t go so well, but it’s nice that he tries.
12. You have to compliment him often. I think this might be how I’ve ended up dating one emotional guy too many. I have a habit of trying to boost people’s moods. Emotional men tend to be a bit insecure. I guess my mood-boosting comes off as flirting to them. I did learn that they need compliments all the time to keep them feeling confident.
13. He’s incredibly impulsive. When you’re dating an emotional guy, it’s important to recognize that most of their decision-making is immediate and based on their feelings rather than logic. “An emotionally reactive person feels emotions very strongly and immediately,” explains Michelle Henderson, a licensed mental health counselor who specializes in relationship issues. “While most people can take a moment to pause and think before they act on their emotions, an emotionally reactive person doesn’t do this. They have very little time between feeling something and then acting on that emotion.” This can be very hard to deal with, especially when you recognize that their behavior is irrational or even hurtful to you.
14. He loves cuddling more than sex. This is a pro and a con of dating an emotional guy. Cuddling is awesome. Sex is awesome too. Don’t be surprised if he’s more interested in a quickie than trying anything new. His end goal is to get off as quickly as possible just so he can cuddle. He’ll talk a big game, but you’ve got to work with him to make him realize that you need more than just a few strokes and cuddle time to be satisfied.

Dating an emotional guy: how to deal

1. Focus on the little things. Emotional guys appreciate the smaller gestures in your relationship. Little love notes, good night texts, bringing him coffee in the morning, giving him a kiss just because — all of these things mean the world to emotional guys and will allow them to feel more settled and relaxed in the relationship.
2. Take your time when interacting with him. If his strong emotions elicit a response in you, try to restrain yourself from reacting as strongly and immediately as he does. “Pay attention to the truth that you feel within yourself before responding and try not to be pulled into their reactivity,” suggests licensed psychotherapist Christine Scott-Hudson. Take your time to collect your own thoughts and feelings so that you know you’re coming from a good, honest place that reflects how you truly feel.
3. Appreciate what you have. Not everyone is lucky enough to be dating an emotional guy, and while this can be a challenge at times, it’s also got plenty of upsides. Guys who are in touch with their feelings are supportive, affectionate, and understanding in ways that emotionally unavailable guys just aren’t. Focusing on the positives will help you cope with the downsides way more easily.
4. Set boundaries. You don’t need to indulge an emotional guy’s every whim. Just because he has strong feelings about something doesn’t mean you need to mirror those feelings or accept the behavior that results from them. It’s important that you draw firm lines to what you will deal with and what you’re comfortable with and that he respects them. This is not up for negotiation.
5. Encourage him to seek outside help. When you’re dating an emotional guy, there may come a time when his strong feelings and reactions to those feelings can become problematic. In this case, it might be worthwhile to encourage him to talk to a professional therapist or counselor. You could even offer to attend sessions with him if it helps, though it’s ultimately an issue he’ll need to work through alone.