Are Your Failed Relationships Turning You Into A Cynical Bitch? Try These 10 Things

You don’t have to be Miss Positivity or the annoying girl that sees the sunny side of everything to avoid being jaded about love. You’ve had your heart broken repeatedly and that sucks, but that doesn’t mean you should give up entirely. Love does exist if you keep your heart open long enough to find it.

  1. You learn how to grieve and let go. You’ve cried so hard. You’ve taken a full week off work because you couldn’t go more than 20 minutes without breaking down. You’ve gone days without eating because the tightness in your chest wouldn’t allow you to swallow. Eventually, someone steps in and tells you to get help. Maybe you go to counseling or a Reiki Master or adopt a rescue dog and go for long walks every day. Maybe you do all three of those things. That horrendously broken heart was the best thing that ever happened to you because it made you stronger, more independent, and taught you how to let go.
  2. You start to appreciate and even love being on your own. You’ve definitely been guilty of only being happy if you were in a relationship. You allowed being a good girlfriend to define you in the past, but at some point you realize that you don’t even know who you are or what makes you, you so you make the choice of figuring it out and being on your own for a good long while. And guess what? You’re awesome AF. You can literally do whatever you want, whenever you want. You can eat an entire bag of chips and salsa in bed watching Sex and the City and not hold in your farts. It’s AWESOME.
  3. You know being strong doesn’t equal being jaded. You know you’re allowed to be cautious and take things slow—you don’t have to rush headfirst into anything and you probably shouldn’t anyway. You’re not willing to give your all to just anybody after what you’ve been through and that doesn’t make you jaded, it makes you smart. You know it’s actually healthier if you walk in to a new relationship independent and strong in yourself because it means you won’t put up with anyone’s crap.
  4. You’ve dated a jaded guy before and it sucked. It was responsible for ruining your relationship. The girl before you did such serious damage that he was in a constant state of comparison and harbored some serious resentment. You’re a good person and being compared to someone with severe issues was a total wakeup call. At his core, he was a great guy but he let a past relationship ruin yours by not being able to let go. That’s the last thing you ever want to do in your own life, so you make a concerted effort to make sure that doesn’t happen.
  5. You don’t bring your past relationships into a new one. You know people (and have dated some) that think everyone is out to screw them over. Not only do they not believe in love anymore, they basically don’t believe in good people. You see what girls have done to the guys you date that’s turned them into jaded a-holes, which turns you into a jaded a-hole. But then you realize it’s a vicious cycle and choose to break it. You can’t create a new loving relationship if you’re blaming them for what your ex did.
  6. Your friendships are stronger than ever because of what you’ve been through. You’ve been guilty of putting your friends on hold when getting into a relationship, but never again. When those relationships inevitably went sideways, you were there, knocking on their door (figuratively and literally) asking them to be there for you when you’d basically abandoned them for months or even years. When you realize you’ve been a total loser of a friend and haven’t been there for them, you won’t do it again. Your friends are your tribe and they’ve seen all your terrible hairstyles, witnessed all your horrendous fashion choices, been your shoulder for all your heartaches and made you laugh along the way. You now know to ALWAYS make time for your friends and yourself.
  7. You realize you’re not innocent in all this and that’s OK. Where you once saw yourself as the sole victim of always being the one with the broken heart, you know that’s not true. It’s highly unlikely you’ve never wanted to go on that second date with a guy who was totally into you or broke it off after a couple months with a guy you knew just wasn’t right for you. When someone wants to be with you and you don’t reciprocate that, pain is inevitable. This doesn’t make you a bad person.
  8. You master the art of forgiveness. You know everyone makes mistakes. You no longer feel the need for closure in every failed relationship or even date. It’s been said before, but whatever—you aren’t forgiving them for them, you’re forgiving them for you so you can live a happy life. No guy that broke your heart is worth poisoning your whole existence.
  9. It’s better than the alternative. Who wants a loveless life? Just because it may not be coming in the form of a significant other right now doesn’t mean love doesn’t exist. You know it does otherwise no one would be jaded in the first place. Love is literally everywhere. Your friends love you, your family loves you, your dog loves you. Those past a-holes have taught you to be responsible for your own happiness and they’ve brought you closer to your friends and for that, you’re grateful, not bitter.
  10. You have faith. You can accept that you’ve dated some real jerks but they’ve put you on the path to knowing exactly what you do (and don’t) want in a partner. You know in your heart that eventually the right guy will come along at the right time, and that’s effing exciting.
I'm 29 years old and live in the beautiful Okanagan Valley of British Columbia with my 4 year old dog, Pongo. I went to the University of Victoria to pursue my love of all things writing/reading and walked away with my Bachelor's Degree in English. I fell out of touch with it for a while but I'm back doing what sets my soul on fire.