I know God is a touchy subject, but there will be no judgment, preaching, or pressure here. Full disclosure: I’m a Buddhist anyway; I just had to find faith in a god that works because I’m in a 12-step program. My life depends on a relationship with a higher power. I use the word “He” because it’s easy, but my God isn’t necessarily a deity. My understanding of my higher power is always shifting, but generally, He’s an unwavering source of love and kindness who adores me to pieces and wants nothing but the best for me. If you don’t have a “God” of your own, you can borrow mine. He’s influenced the way I love in so many amazing ways.
I seek deep and meaningful connections because I know I’m worth it. God is always there, it’s just a matter of whether I choose to utilize Him or not. Before I found a higher power, I continuously settled for surface-level connections. I didn’t know there was more to life and love. Now, I seek out relationships where someone is willing to stick around for the good days and the bad. I only date people who are willing to hang with my tears and my laughter. Because of a connection to the divine, I know that I deserve this kind of love.
I am the apple of God’s eye and I know He wants the same for me in love. My story is somewhat unique in that I found God through almost dying. I was at alcoholic rock bottom and thought that my life was over. When I experienced grace, I felt an undeniable rush of unconditional love. It seeped into my bones and made me feel whole. I knew I was God’s princess. I now know that He wants the same for me in a partner. No one can fix me like a higher power can, but a person can adore me to pieces. And that’s the kind of love I’ll accept.
I turn to prayer and meditation for the answers. As much as I have a higher power in my life most of the time, I also get wrapped up in hormones and my own desires. I sometimes sleep with people who are toxic or give my heart to men who don’t deserve it. In calm times and messy times, I do my best to turn to prayer and meditation to seek the answers from God. When I get quiet enough, my gut instincts get more difficult to ignore and I begrudgingly make healthier choices.
If something doesn’t feel right in my gut, I know it isn’t good for me. Through meditation and prayer, I’m building a relationship with God. Because of this relationship, I’m better tuned into what’s a good idea and what isn’t. I don’t always know the answers and I often screw things up, but over time, I’ve learned to recognize warning signs in my gut. I’m getting better at listening to them sooner, knowing that my higher power only wants the best for me. Sometimes despite my best intentions, I don’t know what’s best for me without His help.
I attract like-minded people. I’ve learned the meaning of “water seeks its own level.” I’m now a person who cares deeply about others. Most of the time, I act like a woman of dignity and grace. I respect myself and the people I meet. I have a lot to offer in relationships and I expect the same in return. Since I’ve brought a higher power into my life, the quality of the people I spend my time with continues to improve.
I’m learning that my body is sacred. We live in a society that sees sex as no big deal. Hookup culture is rampant and real relationships are harder and harder to come by. It’s unfortunate for me because sex and my body are sacred. I’m not saying I practice chastity or even wait at all sometimes. But, I’m learning that I’m emotionally wounded when I sleep with someone before we’ve established lasting emotional intimacy. My body deserves love and care. I’m working towards only giving it away to someone who’s willing to stick around for a relationship. I deserve it.
I know that I’m innately lovable and worthy. Part of practicing meditation and spending time with the divine is learning how truly worthy of love I am. I even got a giant tattoo on my forearm that says “basically good” to remind myself that at my core, I am innately good. God reminds me of this fact every single day, so I bring the understanding into my love life for myself and anyone I’m offering my love to.
I believe that God loves me no matter what, so no mistake makes me any less loveable. I try and try to do the “right” thing, whatever that even is, but I often hurt myself and others. This is okay. I learn from my mistakes and I try again next time. What I used to do is beat myself up and think that I was an awful person for making a mistake. It was exhausting. Now, I have a better understanding that my lovability is not dependent on actions I do or do not take; it’s unwavering.
I trust the process. The thing about having faith is that I believe in something greater. It’s not necessarily an afterlife or some divine plan. It’s really just that I trust I’ll be okay inside no matter the circumstances. I do my best to lean into death, loss, joy, and celebration. Regardless of how relationships go, at the end of the day, I trust the process that’s unfolding in me. Even if there isn’t a divine plan, there’s something to be learned from every experience.
I have God’s arms to fall into when my heart is broken. Heartbreak is an inevitable part of loving. It’s just part of the deal. Having a rich spiritual life has taught me that heartbreak actually provides fertile ground for spiritual growth. Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh said, “No mud, no lotus,” meaning no difficult messiness, no growth. Along with these teachings, I have an amazing higher power to fall to when it feels like the pieces of my heart will never be put back together again. He reminds me that I will indeed be whole again.
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