If it feels like the walls of your relationship are closing in on you, you might be desperate to get out. Maybe the relationship has been making you feel negative and depressed or your partner doesn’t make an effort anymore. Does that mean you should run for the exit, or stick around and try to make things work? Here are 15 no-BS signs that you should end things ’cause they’re not going to get better.
1. Your partner shows no remorse.
Although your relationship can survive tough times if you and your partner both work hard to resolve your issues, it won’t last if your partner isn’t taking accountability for their bad behavior. If they don’t apologize for what they’ve done and don’t want to talk about it with you, there’s no moving forward. They don’t respect you or your feelings.
2. You’re the only one fixing things.
Maybe you took it upon yourself to try to repair the relationship, but there are just too many issues and your partner’s not meeting you halfway to make things better. Perhaps they shut down communication when you try to work through problems, or they balk at your suggestion of couples therapy. You’re wasting time and energy if you’re the only one who’s trying to improve your relationship. Next!
3. You’re reaching outside of the relationship for support.
You should be with a partner who supports you. If you’re not getting what you need from them, you might start calling up your friends when you need to offload your problems. Sure, leaning on friends is useful, but your partner should be there to listen. If you’ve communicated with your partner about their lack of empathy and emotional support but they don’t change, it’s not worth sticking around and feeling isolated or lonely in the relationship.
4. You don’t talk to each other in healthy ways.
Communication is such a fundamental aspect of relationship intimacy. If you and your partner can’t talk healthily, like actively listening to each other, this prevents emotional closeness. Maybe you fight whenever you try to talk about a relationship issue or you give each other the silent treatment. These toxic behaviors pull you further apart, making you feel like there’s no way forward.
5. You’re only staying because your lives are so entwined.
While you might daydream about ending the relationship, various factors could be keeping you tethered to it. Shared responsibilities like children, pets, or a mortgage might make the prospect of leaving daunting. Reflect on your true feelings for your partner and whether they genuinely bring you happiness. Remember, practicalities can be sorted out. Don’t let them keep you trapped in a stressful relationship.
6. You’re unhappy most of the time.
Although you can’t expect your relationship to keep you happy all the time, if you find that you’ve become more anxious or depressed around your partner, this is a clear sign that the relationship is bringing you down. Maybe you cry or vent about your relationship to others on the regular, and they can see that it’s bringing tons of negativity into your life. If your partner’s the reason why your life feels so bad, is it really worth keeping them in it?
7. You can picture a future without your partner in it.
When your mind wanders and you think about your future, it’s a red flag if your partner’s not in it. This could be a sign your inner self isn’t counting on the relationship lasting for the long haul. You might even catch yourself talking about things you want to do without considering your partner’s opinions or feelings. Pay attention to those impulses because they’re a sign you’re unhappy.
8. You’re being abused by your partner.
There’s never a good reason to stay in your relationship if your partner is abusive in any way, whether physically, verbally, or emotionally. Although it’s difficult to leave, especially because abusers try to isolate you from loved ones, you have to love yourself enough to see a healthier, happier future for yourself. You deserve to feel safe and happy and you should go to a trusted family member or friend for help.
9. Your goals are clashing.
If you and your partner have totally different goals, that’s not the best news. While it’s possible to find a middle ground and compromise on how to ensure you both get your needs met, having a future with this person could be difficult. This is especially true if they’re selfish and don’t consider your feelings. Life is going to pull you apart and it’s going to break your heart every time.
10. Your partner’s mean to you in a “joking” way.
Your partner might be critical of you, always putting you down and then explaining it away as “just a joke.” This could be a manipulative way to belittle you so they can control you. It’s so damaging to your self-esteem and self-worth. When you try to talk to them about it and they brush off your feelings, this intensifies your pain. Not here for that! Your partner should be supporting and encouraging you, not doing things to break you down.
11. You don’t have good times anymore.
A common reason why relationships become negative is because they fall into a dull or stressful routine. If you’ve tried to rekindle the spark but your partner doesn’t seem enthusiastic about it, it’s a sign to move on. Although a relationship isn’t a fairytale, there should still be good times. If it’s all stress and conflict, without any fun or laughter, you’re going to start feeling trapped in misery. Don’t let the relationship destroy your joy.
12. You can’t be yourself with your partner.
Staying in a relationship where you can’t be yourself can cause you to suppress your feelings and thoughts. This leads to emotional distress and zaps your self-worth. You might feel like you have to pretend to be a certain way to keep your partner happy, which means you’re sacrificing yourself. And for what? Life’s too short to put your happiness on the back burner.
13. Your loved ones don’t support your relationship.
If you’re feeling trapped in your relationship, it can be difficult to know if it’s time to leave. Reach out to loved ones for advice. Maybe your family or friends don’t support your relationship because they think it’s toxic for you. Hearing them out is wise because it could help you gain the courage to finally leave the relationship that’s making you miserable.
14. You’re waiting for your partner to change.
Although you know that trying to change your partner doesn’t work, you try anyway. They were so charming and amazing at the beginning of your relationship, you’re waiting for them to go back to who they were. Chances, are they were reeling you in with a fake persona, so don’t waste your time waiting around. As memoirist and poet Maya Angelou said, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”
15. You live your best life when your partner’s not around.
If you find yourself behaving drastically differently when your partner is present compared to when they’re not, this could signal a mismatch. Maybe they’re bringing you down and you feel free when they’re not around. Clearly, your relationship isn’t in harmony with your true self, and it’s blocking your ability to live authentically. It’s time to walk away and pursue the happiness you want!
