I Fell In Love With A Narcissist And I’m Still Recovering From It

I thought he was such a great catch when I met him: attractive, charming and crazy about me. However, as time went on, I realized the only person he could love was himself. I’d fallen in love with a narcissist. Great.

  1. He obsessed about his looks. At first, I really liked that he paid attention to looking good, but then I realized how much of an obsession it was. He’d be looking at his reflection in the screen of his phone or in a mirror during our conversations, totally tuned out of our interactions. He’d worry about how he looked all the time, wanting affirmation when he already knew he was hot. He just craved attention constantly. So lame.
  2. He was always trying to prove his worth. When out in public, he’d always try to speak to people about what made him so great. I remember one occasion where I felt really awkward when we were out at dinner. There was a woman engaged in conversation with him about a mutual friend’s amazing dance skills and he totally stole the spotlight, talking about how much of a great dancer HE was. Who does that?
  3. He was his own publicist. This guy was proof that a really good person won’t have to go around stating it — they’ll just show you they’re good with their actions. He was always saying he was so good, so loyal, so kind… It was just to boost himself up, though, because in reality, he wasn’t any of those things.
  4. He was a wannabe expert. He acted like he knew everything about everything, speaking like he was the biggest connoisseur. It was so annoying. Worse, he’d find ways to show that he knew more about things than I did, like when he fixed his cell phone and said, “I’ll explain how I did it because I know you’re not technical.” Um, excuse me?
  5. He defended himself to the death. Having an argument with him was like hitting my head against a brick wall repeatedly. He’d always be convinced that he was right and I was wrong, and he’d become defensive when questioned. He loved his opinions too much for his own good.
  6. He loved hearing his own voice. He could talk until the cows came home and then put them to sleep. Even during quiet times or movies, he’d talk until I couldn’t take it anymore. Asking him how he was doing was enough to get him started on one of his boring monologues.
  7. He only cared about himselfWhen he had a problem, he’d talk about it non-stop, but when the tables were turned and I needed him to listen, he’d interrupt me all the time and bring the attention back to himself! Ugh. Once, he asked me how my sick friend was doing and I thought, “Yay, he’s showing interest!” but once I started talking, he interrupted me. “She’s on a drip in the hospital,” I’d say, and he’d quickly interject with some kind of one-upmanship comment. “I was on a drip in the hospital once. You know why?” And we were back to his stories.
  8. He said he loved me, but… I realized they were just words. He’d only tell me he loved me when he needed something from me. Once he was happy in his life again, he’d stop telling me he loved me. It felt so weird and it showed me that he knew when to pretend to love me to get what he wanted, like my help or support.
  9. He craved praise. If someone showed him some attention or complimented him, he’d get so excited. He’d love that person and talk about how great they were… until they did something he didn’t like. Then they were jerks.
  10. He felt superior to everyone else. He’d act like he was so moral, honest, and such a great person. I remember once how he told me and my friend (who he’d just met) that a man had to have honor and launched into one of his lectures. I thought it was a bit rich, and then even more so when he was always so quick to point out everyone’s faults. He was perfect and everyone else was flawed.
  11. He exaggerated his achievements. He worked as a car salesman for a while and used to tell me how he was selling so many cars because he was so charming and friendly, and customers loved him. Then I found out he was actually lying about it all just to seem like such a brilliant salesman. So messed up. A narcissist will do anything to exaggerate his talents and achievements — or just make them up.
  12. He thought he was so special. He’d find ways to show that he was so special and unique. Yes, he had prophetic dreams in which God spoke to him. Yes, he was always told how amazing his eyes were. Yes, he could sing so well, he brought everyone to tears in the church. It was always about him and how great he was.
  13. He always played the victim. It’s common for narcissists to project their own guilt and bad behavior onto other people. It’s a way to protect themselves. This ex of mine would accuse me of things like not helping him during a rough time and even cheating on him when he was actually the one guilty of infidelity. Anything that threatens to portray the narcissist in a negative light is what they’ll vehemently avoid. It’s all about being loved, no matter who they have to throw under the bus to achieve their goal.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.