When You’re Finally In A Healthy Relationship, These Things Won’t Matter Anymore

When you’re single AF with no real prospects in sight, you can spend a lot of time thinking and worrying about things that are outside of your control. When will you meet a great guy? Why haven’t you found one already? Are you going to die alone? (Hopefully soon, who knows, and no, definitely not.) Once you finally are in a happy, healthy relationship, however, you’ll finally realize that these things don’t matter at all:

  1. How long you were single. Who cares how many years you spent on your own? Not you, because now that you’ve found the right guy, all of that time is a blur. In fact, you start to realize it was probably necessary to prepare you for someone so great. Those months or even years weren’t a waste at all because they brought you here. They brought you to him, and that’s exactly where you want to be.
  2. Your exes. They broke your heart, but guess what? It healed and now that heartbreak is completely in the past. You’ve officially moved on and you finally realize how much better you are without them. They didn’t treat you right, but this guy does. Somehow by finding real love, you’ve learned to forgive the guys who hurt you — and even better, when you hear their names, you finally (and truthfully) couldn’t care less.
  3. The mistakes you’ve made in love. You’ve had love and you’ve lost it. You can try to blame that all on your ex-lovers, but some of it was your fault. Once you’re in a healthy relationship, you stop putting so much blame on yourself. You won’t forget the mistakes you’ve made, but you’ll realize you’re only human and finally forgive yourself because you deserve this.
  4. Your partner’s past. In a healthy relationship, you won’t have anything to hide and neither will your partner. You’ll know each other’s secrets, regrets, and skeletons in the closet. You won’t let the person your partner was define who they are now because you know the real them. You’ve both made mistakes but you’ll love each other anyway because you were different people before you met, and those past versions of yourselves have made you the people you are now.
  5. What other people think. Finally, public opinions and gossip just don’t matter. What does matter is what you and your partner think and feel. People are going to judge you no matter what, so you might as well do what makes you happy. When you’re with a great guy and you know it’s right then that’s really all that matters.
  6. How many men came before him. The number of people you dated or even slept with just doesn’t matter. Even the men you loved before don’t matter because it’s nothing like the love you have now. You’re not jealous of his exes and he’s not threatened by yours. This love is real and everything else is inferior.
  7. That you were the last of your group to find a good man. Being the last single girl in your group can suck, but once you find someone too you’ll forget all about the fact that you were last to the finish line. You stop focusing on time limits because the pressure is finally off. Even further, you know now that being single wasn’t a waste of time — not if it brought you here.
  8. Any woman who “wronged” you in the game of love. That chick that your boyfriend cheated with, the girl who tried to steal your ex, and the woman your former lovers moved on with just don’t matter anymore. Once you finally find love and are in a healthy relationship, you’ll forget all about it. Love is the key to forgiveness. You’ll stop caring about your ex and you’ll stop caring about your former competition because this healthy love cured your bitterness.
  9. How popular you are on social media. In a healthy relationship, you don’t need enough likes on your relationship status to tell you he’s a good fit. You don’t feel the need to constantly brag by shoving “happy” pictures down your friends’ throats. Since your private life is actually good, you don’t need to make it seem better to the public, and you’re happier because of it.
  10. If your partner has female friends. Unhealthy relationships can make you crazy, especially when you don’t trust your partner. You start to question their every move especially when it involves the opposite sex. Healthy relationships are nothing like that, though. You finally have trust and you don’t even worry about your partner stepping out on you. Why? Because a man who truly loves you would never hurt you and that’s what healthy relationships are all about.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.