Forgetting These 13 Things Led Me Back To My Ex—Big Mistake

I thought he was my person. I thought a fresh start was what we needed for things to work out. Instead of focusing on why we weren’t compatible, I focused on why we were. I went back to my ex because I forgot these 13 important things.

  1. We broke up for a reason. We had some great times together, sure, but we had more bad times than anything else. We fought all the time and we were never in sync. When he was busy, I was free; when I was happy, he was angry. We were polar opposites and that made it hard for us to connect. Our relationship ended because we weren’t compatible, but I forgot that.
  2. Exes shouldn’t be friends. I never wanted to be the girl who deleted her exes from social media. I always thought that was dramatic. Clearly, I was wrong. If I cut ties with my ex right away, his face never would have popped up on my feed and I never would have reached out.
  3. Relationship drama isn’t fun. I thought I missed the rollercoaster ride that was our relationship… until I went back and realized that relationship drama isn’t fun. Waiting for text messages and wondering if he’s still interested in me ruined my self-esteem. I became this broken person I didn’t even recognize. I needed my boyfriend’s permission to feel good about myself and that’s not cool.
  4. It’s OK not to be OK. I should’ve told my friends to take my phone away after 8 p.m. and to kick me over the head if I ever mentioned getting back with him. I never talked about my relationship with anyone and I really should have. It would have stopped me from making the same mistakes over and over again.
  5. People can surprise you. I didn’t think the “perfect guy” existed. That’s why I went back to my ex—I thought he was the best I could ever do. Sure, we had our ups and downs, but he seemed to understand me most of the time and I thought that was enough.
  6. He’s never going to change. My ex never changed. Why would he? I always went back to him so there was never a push for him to grow as a person or treat me better. This is why our relationship never improved.
  7. It’s important to take risks. My ex was a safe option. I knew him well, which meant I knew exactly what I was getting into. I didn’t have to deal with awkward first dates and uncomfortable kisses. Having to get used to someone else’s habits and communication style scared the hell out of me. I was too nervous to take that risk so I didn’t.
  8. Missing him didn’t mean wanting him. I missed him and I thought that meant I wanted him back. I should have known that missing someone is natural, especially an ex. If I didn’t miss someone I spent every day with for years, I wouldn’t be human, would I?
  9. It’s OK to be lonely. I wanted someone to text, get dressed up for, and cuddle with. I wanted a relationship. Since I was too lazy to meet someone new, my ex was the only option. I should have embraced my loneliness and used that time to focus on myself and find someone new.
  10. The sex wasn’t that good. I kept saying the only reason I was going back to him was because of the sex… except the sex wasn’t that good. More importantly, he wasn’t the only guy in the world. I could have met up with an old FWB or found a random on Tinder.
  11. My self-confidence is important. I broke up with my ex because he didn’t make me feel special. He stressed me out and ruined my self-esteem. I went back to him because I forgot how important it was to nurture my self-confidence.
  12. We were happier apart. Most of our relationship was spent apart. I’d go out with my friends and he’d go out with his friends and you know what? It was amazing. We were happiest when we weren’t with each other. That should’ve been a pretty clear sign we weren’t compatible.
  13. There’s nothing wrong with being single. I started to compare myself to my married friends. How long would I have to wait until I found someone new? How long would we have to date before we’re married? I kept doing the math in my head and I didn’t like it. I wanted to be married with kids by 30, not unmarried and single.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.