I thought we’d be together forever, but then my ex dumped me out of the blue. I was shocked and numb. I couldn’t believe my life had taken such a crazy turn, but I also knew I had to push on and move on with my life. Here’s how I managed to get through the most devastating breakup of my life.
- I stopped wasting my tears. I didn’t want to pine over the guy when he was the one who made the choice to leave me. He wasn’t lying in bed watching rom-coms and crying himself to sleep! It wasn’t fair that I should be stuck with all those tears.
- I didn’t want to suffer. After a few weeks of feeling terrible, I realized that I had a choice even when it came to my breakup emotions that felt like they were trying to control me. Did I want to suffer? As they say, you can’t prevent pain but you can prevent suffering. I could choose if I wanted to suffer or not, and honestly? I was so tired of it.
- I thought of life before them. I tried to remind myself that this person had only been in my life for about two years. That was such a small part of my life! I’d been fine before them and I’d be fine without them.
- I found small pleasures. Because I knew I didn’t deserve to suffer, I looked after myself by indulging in things that made me feel good. Walking in the sunshine, reading a book all day long with zero fucks given, buying myself a new wardrobe. I chose to say yes to whatever made me feel good about myself and life!
- I tried to do one different thing every week. I knew that I had to fill the gaps that my relationship had left, so on the days of the week when I would have spent time with my ex, I tried to do something new. This could be trying out a new restaurant, watching a movie I’d never have been interested in seeing, or going out with a new friend.
- I focused on his bad traits. It’s so easy to look back on a relationship that’s ended and think of all the good times that were had, but that’s not the whole picture. I forced myself to remember all the negative traits my ex had. That’s what helped me to realize that I actually didn’t want to be with him and he’d done me a favor.
- I avoided rebounding. I met some cool guys during my “try something new once a week” habit, but I refused to enter into casual dating with them. I chose this time of being single to focus on myself. For a breakup to have devastated me so much, I knew that I had to figure out why, as well as work out how I could make myself stronger because of it. I wanted to be in the state where I didn’t need a relationship to be happy.
- I created a new normal. It’s hard to carry on living the way you’ve always lived when something like a breakup threatens to smash up your whole way of being. I mean, I not only had long stretches of time to myself but there were other gaps that had formed. I lost some friends that had first been friends with my ex. I couldn’t go to some places because I knew I’d run into him there. I had to carve out a new routine. I started small with little things that made me feel good, and then the fun stuff…
- I got creative. I’ve always loved writing and I realized I’d totally neglected it when I was in my previous relationship. I got back into it and it helped me to work through my feelings and thoughts. It was amazing to have that creative outlet and it really helped me to focus on my inner self. Taking time to write every day also made me feel that I was creating a new life for myself, one word at a time.
- I felt inspired to find myself again. I wondered what else about myself I’d misplaced during my relationship. It inspired me to want to find those pieces of myself, and see who I was now that I was alone. I tried to focus on the excitement of doing this instead of the fear of the unknown, and it really worked. With a curious mind and the daring nature to explore what was within myself and out there, I realized that was all I needed to forge ahead and forget all about what’s-his-face.
