Do You Really Miss Your Ex? 11 Things You Might Actually Be Feeling Instead

You broke up with him a while ago, but you still miss your ex-boyfriend — or so you think. It might be tempting to believe that these feelings mean you still have feelings for him and want him back, but save yourself the pain of getting back together with him. Chances are you’re not really looking to bring him back into your life anyway — you’re actually feeling these things:

You miss the girl you used to be. Maybe you were carefree and filled with passion when your ex was dating you. Now you wish you could get that FEELING back — not the man who helped you be that way. This is great because you can get it back without needing a guy, just by working on yourself. Time to put “Project Me” at the top of your list.

You want to feel the spark. Ah, the spark. So much is said about how amazing it is to feel the spark with someone and it’s quite addictive. But instead of going back to your ex in the hope of rekindling it, find it with people who don’t make you unhappy… or find your own spark by doing things you love.

You want to feel loved. Sometimes what you think is ex nostalgia is really just the need to be loved, so take a deep breath and forget about calling your ex. There are so many other ways to feel loved and valued. Surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you, like your friends and family — and most importantly, start loving yourself.

You want the inspiration he brought you. Think about what your ex brought to your life during the good times. Maybe he inspired you to be creative or to be more daring. Whatever it was, just because you’ve ditched him, it doesn’t mean you have to lose those cool qualities that walked out the door with him. You can be whatever you choose and don’t need anyone’s permission.

You want to feel lust for life. That feeling of being so in love with life that you can’t wait to get up in the morning is amazing. Maybe it’s tied to your ex because you felt that mad love for your life when he was around, but you can get it just by focusing on things that make you feel excited, like old passions you’ve left to collect dust on the shelf.

You miss his friendship. If you and your ex were really good friends as well as partners, it’s only natural that you’re going to miss the friendship — perhaps even more than your romantic relationship. But it’s not always possible to be friends with an ex, especially if there’s still bad feelings or baggage between you. So use the need for friendship to get out there and increase your social circle. It’s a great way to breathe some new life into your days.

You want to escape your life. Sometimes, instead of being in love with life, you actually wish you could escape from its demands and daily stresses. If the relationship with your ex was a distraction and escape, then chances are you’re thinking about him because you want to put a “be back in five days”‘ sign on your life and take off to do something fun. Maybe it’s time for a holiday that you’ve been meaning to take forever. Or, try doing something different, such as a new hobby. You could even change your appearance by getting a new hair cut or color to feel invigorated.

You’re bored. If you’re feeling bored, you might long for the drama your ex brought to your life because there was never a dull moment. Heck, even the fights were passionate. But just think about how draining and exhausting that was. You can find the good kind of excitement in your life in other ways. Do things that scare you and push you out of your comfort zone every day. This is such a better adrenaline fix than having to bail your ex out of jail or pay his rent for him. SMH.

You want to work towards something. You and your ex were together for a long time and worked towards a future together. This probably contained ‘couple goals’ that you were going to achieve. Maybe what you really want when you miss your ex is that feeling of working towards something and achieving it, but screw your couple goals. Now’s the time to focus on what you want from your life and go about making it happen.

You miss great sex. If you and your ex had an amazing sex life and the thought of him still turns you on, you might think there’s no harm in going back to him for a few booty calls. But things can become messy. If you’re in need of great sex, you can go out and get it — or get it with yourself! There are so many options available. You really don’t need to bring your lousy ex into the picture.

You want to feel hope for the future. Getting with an amazing guy can sometimes have a mood-boosting ripple effect on the rest of your life. You start to feel good about everything, the little annoying things in life don’t bug you, and you see hope in the future. When that relationship ends, it can make you feel dark. But instead of thinking that hope is tied to your ex, create it for yourself. There are so many things to get amped about and to look forward to in your own life that don’t depend on other people. In fact, that hope for your future never belonged to your ex — it was in your hands the whole time.

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