12 Signs Your Connection Is Real & 5 Signs It’s Not

A true connection is hard to come by, partly because it’s not every day someone comes along that you immediately click with and partly because a real connection is often mistaken for something else entirely, whether it be the honeymoon phase of a relationship or just straight-up sexual attraction. If you’re looking for signs your connection is real, look no further than these.

  1. The silence is never awkward. When you’re around someone you have a true connection with, the silence doesn’t need to be filled with random chit-chat. Just being in their presence is a comfort all its own. You can talk for hours, but you can also be together without saying a word and there’s no sign of anxiety because the silence is too loud. It’s actually a welcome calm that feels like home when no words are being spoken.
  2. You don’t have to think before you speak. Oftentimes, people will think before they send a text or before they say something. With a true connection, there’s no need for that. You say the first thing that pops into your head and the other person responds with the first thing that pops into theirs. The conversation flows so naturally it becomes second nature and can even go from joking one minute to deep and philosophical the next. It’s easy.
  3. There’s an unmatched comfortability. You won’t have sweaty palms and your heart won’t race when you’re with the person you have a true connection with because they automatically make you feel comfortable with who you are. Usually, there’s an air of nervousness when meeting someone new, but this person just seems to have that “I feel like I’ve known you my whole life” vibe.
  4. The sexual attraction is like whoa. You can be sexually attracted to any pretty face when the mood strikes, but when you’re with someone and there’s a deeper connection between the two of you, that sexual attraction doesn’t need a time or place. They could be doing the most nonsexual, ridiculous thing and you’ll still feel a little tingle downstairs over it.
  5. Their weird matches yours. They do weird accents for no apparent reason but for some reason, you love it. None of their quirks seem to bother you because you’re just as weird as they are. And not only do you love their eccentricities, you too have the same sort of oddness. It boils down to being able to be ridiculously uncool together and when the real connection is there, it only helps solidify that bond.
  6. You fit together effortlessly. When they put their hand in yours or their arm around your shoulders while binging the latest show on Netflix, it just fits. There’s no need for adjusting because it’s as if their body was made in perfect proportion to yours. Every touch seems natural and your bodies just seem to go together like puzzle pieces.
  7. You’ve never questioned your feelings for them. There will always be times when your true connection annoys the hell out of you, and that’s okay. But not once during those times when you’re not getting along do you ever stop to reevaluate how you feel about them. It’s never a question. No matter how much they piss you off or do things you think are dumb, you can barely stay mad at them for that long because of how much more good there is than bad.
  8. They inspire you to be a better you. The things you’ve always put on the back burner because there’s never enough time become priorities all of a sudden. When you have a deep connection with someone, that level of fulfillment ends up spilling out into other areas of your life because you want to be the best version of yourself, always.
  9. They make you feel good about getting out of your comfort zone. Before having a true connection with someone you will stubbornly cling to things that you know make you somewhat happy or are good at but after, you’ll feel brave enough to take on the world. It gives you this feeling of always having someone who has your back when it comes to life and that, in turn, will lead you to take more leaps toward greatness.
  10. A true connection will make you face the dark aspects of yourself. In the same sense that someone you connect with on a deeper level brings out the amazing parts of you, the same can be said for the not-so-amazing parts. They force you to really look in the mirror and face your own demons with courage because you know that no matter what, they love you for all that you are. You can finally shed some of that baggage because, with a true connection, you no longer need to hold onto it.
  11. Their eyes say it all. They don’t just look at you, they SEE you. For everything that you are and everything that you could be, when their eyes are on you, it’s as if the whole world could end and you’d still be okay. It feels incredible to be so seen, and while it requires real vulnerability, the payoff is so worth it.
  12. You can’t remember what not knowing them was like. Even if you haven’t known your true connection very long, it’s as if they’ve always been a part of your life. Thinking about what life was like before them resembles a case of amnesia because you just. can’t. remember. They fit perfectly into your existence and you theirs. It’s the closest thing to fate there is.

Signs your connection isn’t real after all

A lot of times, our hearts and minds trick us into believing that we’re dealing with the real thing (love) when we’re not. So how can you tell when it’s not all that deep after all?

  1. A lot of your relationship revolves around sex. It’s great to have a strong sexual connection with someone that you’re dating, but there has to be more than that there or it will never last. One of the biggest signs your connection isn’t real is when it doesn’t really translate outside the bedroom. Unless you’re only looking for something casual and surface-level, it’s really not going to work out long-term.
  2. You never talk about the future. You don’t need to have your entire lives together planned out right away. In fact, it would be a little bit weird and creepy if you told him a month or two into your relationship that you’re ready to get married and start a family before you move into a new three-bedroom house in two years, etc. etc. However, if you’re legitimately on the same page about wanting a happy, healthy relationship, you should be able to discuss the future to ascertain that you want the same things. Otherwise, you’re only wasting your time.
  3. There are things you don’t feel comfortable telling/showing them about yourself. You can’t say you’re truly close and connected with your partner if there are parts of yourself that you hide from them. You should be able to rely on them to accept you without judgment and to love you anyway. Nobody’s perfect, and you should be able to be your entire authentic self with your significant other. If you can’t, there’s a problem.
  4. You don’t feel like you know them. You won’t know everything about a person within a month or two of dating. You won’t even know everything in a year or two. It’s an ongoing journey and in a good relationship, you continually learn new facets about your partner that you never knew before. It’s what keeps things exciting and keeps things fresh. That being said, you should at least feel like you have a good handle on their personality in general and who they are at their core. How can you connect with them otherwise?
  5. Being with them is better than being single. This is a terrible reason to force a relationship with someone. If you’re with them just because it’s better than being on your own and braving the dating scene, you’re wasting both your time and theirs and you’re selling yourself short. You’d be so much happier in the long term by staying true to yourself and waiting for the right person to come along.

Angelica Bottaro is a freelance writer and aspiring novelist based out of Toronto. She is an avid reader and music lover and enjoys getting lost in the written word and meaningful melodies.