Signs The Sexual Tension Between You Is Getting Out Of Control

Maybe you’re out on a first date, or you’re sitting next to your crush in class. Maybe you’re just flirting via text after meeting on Adult Friend Finder. No matter what situation you’re in, the signs of sexual tension are always the same. That means anyone, even the worst flirt in the world, can figure out where she stands with a man. If you’re not exactly sure how to do that yet, here are the many signs of sexual tension getting a bit intense.

  1. Eye contact is intense. Maintaining eye contact with your creepy uncle can feel uncomfortable, but holding eye contact with your crush? Piece of cake. When you like someone, you’ll want to stare into their eyes all day long. That’s why prolonged eye contact during a conversation (or while you’re all the way across the room) is a huge sign of sexual tension.
  2. Your stomach does somersaults when he’s around. When you have a crush on someone, you’re obviously happy to see them. However, when you have sexual tension with a guy, it feels like there’s a pair of wild animals having a fight inside your stomach whenever you catch a glimpse of him. You feel shaky and jittery, like you can’t calm down. You might even start to sweat a little.
  3. He uses flirty body language. You should pay attention to his body—and not just his abs. Leaning toward you while you speak means that he’s interested in what you’re saying. Even better, it means he wants to get close to you emotionally and physically. Mirroring your movements is another positive sign that shows all of his attention is on you. The same goes for when he preens by smoothing down his shirt or by fixing his hair.
  4. The silences are sensual. Comfortable silences fall under the category of relationship goals. Of course, it’s even sweeter when those comfy silences are filled with a dash of sexual tension. You’ll know it’s happening when the two of you haven’t said a word in an hour, but he’s still gazing at you like you’re the most interesting girl in the world.
  5. Your conversations take a playful turn. Harmlessly teasing you about your college major or music taste is the adult equivalent of pushing you down on the playground. If you meet online on a site like Adult Friend Finder, you can give your conversations a flirty edge before you take things to the real world to great effect. After all, when you like someone, you want every conversation to be lighthearted and fun so that they keep coming back for more.
  6. His touches are stimulating. When someone on the bus bumps into you, you won’t feel anything. But when there’s sexual tension between you and the person who brushes against you, you’ll feel the electricity rush through you. It’s impossible to miss.
  7. Every conversation has context. If even the most innocent conversations feel naughty, then there’s definitely sexual tension between you two. There’s no reason for a conversation about your mole removal to be steamy. If it somehow takes a sexual turn, then your minds are both in the gutter together.
  8. His voice deepens when you’re alone. The “Batman” voice is actually a good sign. Men instinctively deepen their voices when they’re talking to a woman they find attractive, so if you notice a change in pitch when he talks to you, his body is cluing you in on his crush.
  9. Your voice changes when you speak to him as well. Maybe it gets a little squeaky or breaks a bit. This is because you’re nervous or overly excited and find it hard to keep an even tone. Most of the time, you don’t even realize it’s happening, but it’s definitely one of the biggest signs of sexual tension between two people.
  10. He lingers when he should leave. You might’ve learned this from Will Smith, but if a woman lingers by her door after a date, it means she wants a kiss. The same theory applies to men. If he lingers after hugging you, then it means that he’s waiting for some more touching to occur.
  11. You sit a little too close together. Most people like their personal space. If a man is sitting so close to you that your shoulders touch, there’s definitely a spark there. Otherwise, one of you would’ve slid over a few inches.
  12. You both feel incredibly aroused. It takes two to create sexual tension. If you experience a tingling sensation down below, then it’s clear you’re attracted to him. Lucky for us girls, all we have to do is take a glance at his crotch to see if he’s just as attracted to us.
  13. You’ve started to dream about him. This doesn’t necessarily have to be a sexual dream, but it’s not weird if it is. You spend all of your waking hours thinking about him and what it would be like to sleep with him so of course your subconscious is going to bring that up when you’re asleep too, potentially in really extreme and explicit detail.
  14. It gets a bit awkward when sex comes up. Not because you’re not interested in one another in that way but because you so are and you’ve yet to do anything about it. When someone makes an innuendo (mistakenly or not), it all gets a little bit weird and both of you will probably try to change the subject immediately. Why? Go with it! You never know where it might lead (hopefully the bedroom, obviously).
  15. You can’t stop laughing. Even if he’s saying something more suggestive than it is funny, you can’t stop giggling like a schoolgirl at everything he says. It’s that heightened sense of nervousness you have around him because if you don’t laugh, you’re probably just going to jump his bones immediately. The sexual tension is heavy and laughing about it is the only way you can try (albeit unsuccessfully) to control it.

What to do when you realize you have sexual tension with a guy

It’s fine and well to notice just how into each other you are, but what are you actually going to do about it? While the next step all depends on your personal situation — things could get a bit dicey if he’s your superior at work or is already in a relationship — assuming you’re both single and ready to do a little more than mingle, here are some things you might try.

  1. Mirror and reciprocate his behavior. If the guy is being extra flirty with you by displaying more romantic body language, getting in touch more often, or smiling all the time, make sure you’re offering the same in return if you’re interested. You don’t want him to think that you’re not feeling it, so make sure he knows you’re on the same page.
  2. Muster up a bit of courage and say something. When you have sexual tension with someone, you can flirt until the cows come home but it will never go further than that if neither of you makes a move. If he’s not picking up on your hints or you sense he’s a bit shy, it might be up to you to put yourself out there first and initiate. Tell him how you’re feeling about him and ask him if he feels the same. If you’re a good judge of character and read him well, you probably already know the answer.
  3. Ask him out. Once you know that you both feel the same and that the sexual tension isn’t all one-sided, now it’s time to ask him to go on an actual date or simply get together casually so you can explore this connection more openly. This is the only way you’ll find out whether the feelings you have for each other are purely sexual or if there might be something deeper there.
  4. If he doesn’t pick up on what you’re putting down, move on. If you’re honest about having feelings for him and wanting to see where things go but he doesn’t reciprocate or begin to put in the effort to explore that, chances are this really was all a game to him and he’s not interested in anything real. In that case, as much as it sucks, you’ll have to cut things off with him and walk away.

If your sexual tension can’t go any further

As fun and exciting as flirting with someone can be, on the occasions when it’s inappropriate and really can’t go beyond that, you need to do the mature thing by putting a stop to whatever is going on between you now before it goes any further. Don’t allow your feelings (or hormones) to lead you to do things that you might regret in the future for the sake of momentary pleasure. Instead, distance yourself from this guy so that whatever spark existed between you can fade away.

Holly Riordan is a writer from Long Island, New York who has authored several science fiction and horror books. A graduate of Stony Brook University, she has spent nearly a decade writing for publications including Thought Catalog, Huffington Post, Teen Vogue, and more. You can find her on Instagram @hollyrio and Twitter @hollyyrio.