To The Friend Who Constantly Asks For Relationship Advice But Never Truly Listens

You don’t know what to do — you love him so much, but sometimes he treats you like crap. You insist that you won’t let him walk all over you or treat you like a side chick, but that’s exactly what you’re doing. You want me to tell you exactly what to do but you never listen to me anyway, so why do I bother?

You’re my best friend and I love you, but you’re not listening.

I’m pretty sure we still have things to talk about that don’t include your current beau, but it seems like that’s all we ever get to. You cry, tell me he’s a piece of crap and ask me what you should do. Every time I tell you what to do, you seem resolved. You’re going to take back control. You won’t be treated this way. Then — surprise, surprise — you don’t follow through, and here we are again. I’ll always have your back, but I’m done with this conversation.

Yes, you keep dating the same guy.

Good looking? Check. Plays the game? Check. Doesn’t value your time enough to reply to your messages within a day? Check. Squirms at the thought of commitment? Check. Show me his opening texts and I will give you the play by play of how this relationship will work out. I’ve heard it, seen it, and held you through it all before.

You thrive on the drama.

You say that you want someone who will respect you and treat you right, but you’re never interested when that type of man comes along. Instead, you go for the same players, flirters and unreliable men who want something different from a relationship. You’ve been through this pattern so many times that it’s hard not to believe that you enjoy the rollercoaster ride of dating this kind of man.

It’s not him, it’s you.

He’s the same man he was as the day you first met. It’s very unlikely that he’s suddenly transformed into the person who’s treating you callously today. If that holds true, then you’re who you were at the start too — you were the woman who ignored his faults, his nature and his treatment of you. Now it’s caught up to you again, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise.

There’s more to life than fixing broken men.

People aren’t toys that need fixing. If your plumbing breaks, you call a plumber. If your cable is down, you call the cable guy. You don’t get someone with a penchant for falling for broken things to come fix it. Accept that you can’t fix men who are broken or in some way hopeless. Being a fixer doesn’t mean that you’ll be loved in return. Fix yourself first.

You can’t possibly value my time or emotional energy.

There’s no way that you care for the experience I live through while trying to be your shoulder to cry on. I’ll never stop being there for you, but I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling your heartache, working together with you to make a plan and having high hopes for the treatment of your heart, only to have them dashed. You refuse to take action and it breaks my heart to give you the same advice month after month.

It’s never too late to change.

I’ve got my fingers and toes crossed for you. I can’t wait for the day I tell you to dump his ass, to find someone who deserves you, and you turn around and do exactly that. Yes, I’m tired, but I’ll always be here for you.

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