I Get Along Great With Moms & That Seems To Turn Their Sons Off

I used to think it was awesome when a guy told me that his mom loved me, but I have to admit that sometimes it’s more of a curse than a blessing. It hardly ever means that the guy’s as smitten as his mother is, sadly. I’ve learned that the hard way!

  1. Moms love me for all the wrong reasons. I want a guy to like me because I’m fun, down-to-earth, pretty, and so on. Their mothers love me for all the reasons why guys reject me: I’m a total nerd. The guys probably see me as boring, which is never a good thing.
  2. Moms aren’t good wingmen. If guys and their moms had the same idea of what girlfriends should be like, that would be perfect! Unfortunately, it just doesn’t happen. When last did you see a guy letting his mother pick his dates for him? Even though moms might tell their sons how great I am, it doesn’t mean they agree.
  3. Moms see me as a great employee. They see I’m responsible—I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, and they see I’m totally reliable and smart. That’s great, but I’m not in a job interview, for goodness’ sake! I’m trying to be seen as sexy by their sons. Talk about killing my game.
  4. I can talk the house down with moms. When I’m dating a guy and I meet his mom, we usually end up chatting about fun stuff like fashion or literature. Seriously, I’ve been in relationships where the guy’s mom and I would chat for hours while the guy just sat there looking bored. It must feel like his mom’s friend has come to visit. Ugh. I can’t help it if moms love me!
  5. No wonder their sons get bored with me. I imagine it’s so much more intriguing when a guy’s got a woman who screams, “Your mother warned you about girls like me!” Most guys don’t see a woman who could be BFFs with their mother out of all people as very exciting to date.
  6. Moms let me become part of the family. I once dated a guy whose mom adored me so much, she told me she’d love for me to join her family one day. I just prayed that she didn’t tell her son the same thing because we’d only been dating for a few months. It was way too soon to be talking about family and marriage. Knowing her, she probably did push him to make things more official, which could be why he turned cold on me.
  7. It’s even worse if guys don’t get along with their moms. If I love the guy I’m with and I love his mom, it can be weird for him to see me grow closer to his mother if he’s not on the same page as her or they hate each other. I end up feeling like the enemy, like I’m playing both sides. It always ends up harming my romantic relationships.
  8. It puts pressure on their sons. I remember once being out on a date with a guy and his parents were present. It was sort of like a double date. The whole time, his mom was telling her son what to do to impress me. She’d hint that he had to pull out my chair when I sat down and open my can of iced tea for me (sexist, much?). She meant well but it was so awkward and felt like she was pushing him to date me seriously. She loved me, but she was making him hate me.
  9. It doesn’t impress guys much. Just because guys’ moms love me, it doesn’t mean they’re going to use that as a reason why they should date me. Sometimes, the opposite happens. They’re creeped out by how much their moms love me and it puts them off me. I don’t know if it happens subconsciously or what, but it’s not like their coolest best friend is telling them that I’m a must to date. I imagine that would hold much more weight!
  10. Guys want to marry their mothers? Eh, I don’t know about that. Studies have shown that men are drawn to women who are like their mothers. I guess that’s always given me hope in the past, but honestly: most of the men I’ve asked about that usually go, “Oh, no.” In a way, I can agree with them. Who would want to be told, “I love you because you remind me of my mother.” Eek.
  11. Moms reveal a lot about guys’ real feelings. It’s weird, but sometimes moms have shown me that I wasn’t actually a good match for their sons. With one guy I dated, when his mom commented on how cute he and I looked as a couple, he gave her a throat-slashing gesture when he thought I wasn’t looking. Ouch. It made me realize that the problem wasn’t the guy’s mom or me, but the guy! It taught me that how a guy reacts to his mother liking me says a whole lot about whether or not he sees me as GF material. He should want me to meet his mom when he’s really seriously smitten with me, not just because he’s going through the motions and secretly a commitment-phobe with mommy issues. Lesson learned.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.