Do guys really want to marry their mothers? I’m not sure, but the idea creeps me out a bit. That’s why when my ex told me he was so into me because I reminded him of the woman who raised him, I was pretty much ready to bounce immediately. That feeling only intensified when I realized that his words were a symptom of more disturbing things.
I don’t want to be seen as a mothering type.
Who the hell would? Mothers are amazing beings, but I don’t want my boyfriend to see me as a maternal figure. When my ex revealed that part of his attraction to me was based on my resemblance to his mother, I was grossed out. He tried to soften the blow by explaining what he meant, but it didn’t really help.
His mom loved me.
He reminded me of this repeatedly. She was awesome and we got along really well, which was great, and he really valued his mom’s opinion on the woman he brought home. I could tell that he kept her on a pedestal because he was a mama’s boy and it was starting to freak me out a bit. Would he have tossed me aside if his mother didn’t like me? He was so devoted to his mom, it wouldn’t have surprised me.
He said I was “nurturing.”
I used to be a total people pleaser. I was the type of girlfriend to be at my boyfriend’s side no matter what, offering loads of support and love… See how things are starting to feel a bit too much like what a devoted mom would do? I was so nurturing, I was giving off mom vibes!
His words highlighted what i hated about myself.
I didn’t want to be seen as the mothering (or smothering) kind – I wanted to be seen for other great qualities. The last thing I wanted was for the guy I was crazy about to see me in some lukewarm fashion instead of with passion. What about chemistry and lust, for crying out loud? It’s pretty hard to see someone as your mom and a hot tamale simultaneously.
He didn’t have much else to say.
Instead of telling me that I was also sexy and intelligent, the guy went on to describe me as “loving,” “warm,” and “sweet.” Those are all great, of course, but they shouldn’t be the main things my boyfriend noticed about me.
He started treating me like his mom.
Words become actions and I was about to discover that in the worst way possible. Let me say that he always treated his mom with a lot of respect, so at least I had that going for me. He was sweet and chivalrous. However, things weren’t all rosy.
He was a man-child in hiding.
Not only did I remind the guy of his mom (which was creepy enough), but I soon discovered that the relationship he had with her was really weird. One weekend, I was staying over at his place and I noticed how untidy he was. When I joked with him about it, he said, “Yeah, my mom usually does that for me.” Um, what? Apparently, the woman would come to his home three times a week to do his laundry, ironing, tidying up, and cooking. The guy was 28 years old!
As time went on, he wanted a mom-girlfriend.
After a few months of dating, the guy started to expect me to do things for him that his mom would do. For example, once he asked me if I could do his ironing because his mom was busy and hadn’t had a chance to do it. WTF? He added that he really needed one of his shirts for work. Nope!
He was a total sexist.
When I told him I wasn’t going to do his ironing because it made me feel uncomfortable, he said, “But that’s what women are supposed to do for their men.” I nearly fell over because this was so shocking to hear! He then explained that women were supposed to clean the house, do the cooking, and so on. It was clear he had really outdated and pathetic ideas of what it meant to be a woman/girlfriend/wife.
He needed to get his act together.
It was time for this guy to grow the hell up and get his life together. He couldn’t expect his mom or girlfriend to treat him like a baby. Like hell was I going to become his new mother!
I don’t want to conform to gender roles.
I’m not the type of person to stick to gender roles. I want things to be free in relationships. Yes, I’ll take care of my partner, but I don’t want to feel like I have to do certain activities in order to be seen as good enough. And, I certainly don’t want to be with someone who needs to be treated like a child. I want a grown man who can do his own damn laundry!
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