Ever since I was little, I’ve had an issue with boredom. I was bored easily at school, I felt bored at times at college, and then I got bored after a while at subsequent jobs. When it comes to my dating life, nothing has changed… and that’s kind of the problem.
Dating is always enticing at first. When things are fresh and everything feels so exciting, it’s impossible not to feel enthralled by seeing a new guy. Even though I’ve felt the “in lust” or “in like” feelings many times before, somehow they still feel just as good several guys down the line. I enjoy getting to know different guys and going on a variety of dates. It’s also nice to be able to kiss a few frogs in the hopes of finding my prince. It helps me realize what I want and need out of a potential partner before I work out if the current guy fits in with these requirements.
I think I’m ready to commit, so I commit. It gets to a point where I’m a few dates in with a guy and I have to decide to either go full speed ahead or back off completely. Usually by this point I’ve made a connection, so it seems silly to throw away something amazing, so I agree to go for it and see what happens.
Then I start to have second thoughts. Once I’ve done the whole girlfriend thing for a little while, the novelty starts to wear off. Sure, cozy nights in are all well and good, but the party girl still lives inside me. She doesn’t just change overnight.
Sometimes I trick myself into thinking a guy will last. I believe that I’ve made a really strong connection this time and nothing will break that. I end up caring about the guy way too much, but then the voice in the back of my head telling me I’m not truly fulfilled comes back and I start having a raging battle between the devil and angel on my shoulder.
The doubts always come back. Even though I usually manage to push them aside, I can only ignore the doubts for so long. After a while, the single life starts to sound like a really good idea and I find myself daydreaming about hot guys and the possibility of being able to date around again.
It’s not that I’m afraid of commitment. I really enjoy having a boyfriend and I definitely see a future with these relationships that I get into, otherwise, I wouldn’t bother becoming exclusive with said guy. However, it just never seems enough for me. I never feel fully satisfied.
I always strive for more. I’m not good at sitting still—I never have been. If I don’t feel like a relationship is progressing or moving forward, there’s a good chance that I’m about to sack it off. Why? I don’t like feeling like I’m stuck in one spot. I’m not sure where this comes from but it’s just the way I am. I’ve always been this way.
I like to feel wanted. I think half the problem is that I crave constant attention. Sure, I realize that a lot of women are the same, but I seem to take it to an extreme level. If I’m not being lusted or sought after then I don’t feel happy. If my boyfriend of the moment neglects to make a fuss of me at any given point in the relationship, I suddenly get the urge to move on to someone else who will.
I’m throwing away good relationships. By acting this way and getting bored so easily, I’m making a recurrent mistake of throwing away decent relationships that have the potential to be something even more amazing. Then again, I haven’t been able to help myself in my dating life thus far.
I’m trying to change. I’m at this point in my life where I either change my attitude and try working through my issues or I carry on doing what I’m doing and end up alone. There’s nothing wrong with being alone, of course, but I do want to get married and start a family one day.
I need to be able to take the rough with the smooth. Instead of bailing every time a relationship becomes super comfortable and “settled,” I need to learn to be able to deal with the quiet spells as well as the exciting spells. It’s going to be tough, but I’m willing to give it a go.
I have to learn that just because a relationship is safe doesn’t mean it’s boring. And even if it feels safe at times, then who’s to say that it will always feel that way? In life, you’ve got to take the rough with the smooth, and at least the smooth periods make life easier.
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