For many women, getting married is considered a major milestone worth aspiring to. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I’m definitely not one of those women. A goal should be something you can actively work towards, and getting married is not that for me. Here’s why:
- Anyone can get married.Literally, you could elope with the guy you met at the bar last night if you both decided that was a good idea. If anyone can get married any time they feel like it, how can anyone consider it an accomplishment?
- Getting married doesn’t guarantee a happy relationship.The number of marriages that end in divorce may not be as high as it used to be, but it’s still pretty high. Simply being married doesn’t mean you’re happy, and it doesn’t mean you’ll stay married. Relationships don’t stop being work after you exchange “I do”s.
- Calling it a goal implies it can be checked off a list. So you got married. Mission accomplished. It doesn’t matter what happens next then, right? Wrong. Staying married is a lot harder than getting married in the first place, which is something a lot of people don’t realize until they’re in couple’s therapy fighting for a relationship they’re not even sure they want to be in anymore.
- Getting married is no longer a prerequisite for anything. It used to make sense to check off life milestones in a certain order — marriage, kids, retirement, etc. But there’s no reason we have to get married before having kids these days, so a lot of people just don’t see it as a given anymore.
- It’s possible to be committed to each other without being married. Love doesn’t change because of a marriage license. If you’re in it for the long haul, you don’t need the formality of getting married to make it real. I’d rather have the love without the marriage than the other way around.
- I have no interest in weddings. Some women spend copious amounts of time dreaming about their big day, but personally, I’ve never wanted a big wedding, or any wedding at all for that matter. If I do ever get married, it will probably be something everyone finds out about months later when I mention ‘my husband’ in casual conversation.
- Marriage is not a requirement for true love. For me, getting married isn’t the only obvious result of falling in love. It seems more logical to get married after you’ve been together for decades, had a couple kids (or not), and you know without a doubt that you want this person around for the rest of your life. That’s when you’ve built a strong enough relationship to justify making it legal.
- I’m unsure about the being with one person forever thing. We have it in our heads that there’s one perfect person out there for us, and once we meet them, no one else will matter. Seems pretty idealistic, doesn’t it? I’m just not convinced monogamy is the way to go. How can I predict who I’ll meet and how a relationship can change and evolve?
- I don’t want to settle. If you want to get married, you’re probably hoping it will happen by a certain age, meaning you might end up with Mr. Good Enough just because he’s at the right place at the right time.
- I’d rather never experience divorce. I know that no one plans to get divorced, but the only way to guarantee it’ll never happen is to never get married. I don’t really feel like I’d be missing out on anything besides the wedding, and I don’t feel like I need that experience in my life anyway.
