You think he really likes being with you, but how can you be sure you’re not just his temporary distraction? To prevent being in that crappy situation, here are 13 signs that the relationship’s not his main priority:
He’s preoccupied with something every time you’re together and you can’t figure out why. If it seems like he’s always somewhere else in his mind, that might make you worry that he’s not really interested in you. It could also mean that he just checks into the relationship when he feels he needs some excitement in his life. The classic example is the guy who sends you texts at three in the morning but never during the day.
He always has so much going on. His life is full of drama and he’s so busy he’s battling to keep everything going. So where do you fit in? That’s the thing—you don’t. He keeps you in one corner of his life where it’s convenient so he can continue with the rest of his life as a single guy. You can spot this guy by how he can only see you on certain days or between certain times, especially when he needs a bit of fun. So messed up.
He’s in a bad place. He’s going through a lot of stressful stuff: he’s lost his job, he can’t make the rent this month on his apartment, he’s had a bad skiing accident… You met him at a time when his life was all over the place. You might think it’s fate for you to be there to support him, but it’s probably not. Chances are he’s just hoping to have some beauty in his screwed up life. There’s nothing wrong with that, as long as you feel secure in the relationship and you don’t feel you’ll be thrown out of his life when his bad days turn sunny.
He’s lonely af. He tells you how lonely he’s been and how much he wanted to find someone. That’s sweet, right? Well, if it seems like his loneliness was the main motivator for why he asked you out, that’s a red flag. You want someone who’s complete and happy before you come along, otherwise, it’s like you’re just there to keep their bed warm at night. Ugh.
He’s got nothing going on. You’re the only highlight of his entire existence. In fact, he often tells you that you’re his entire world and that he’s got nothing else to live for. Um, after a while it feels creepy instead of romantic. A guy who’s got nothing interesting about his life is a dull man who’s clutching onto a relationship to make him feel excited about life and himself. You’re worth more than that.
He keeps you on the back burner. He only calls you when he’s being spontaneous—in other words, when his other plans fall through. He’s the king of “I was just in the neighborhood” story when what he’s really saying is, “Look, I’m trying to sound romantic but my main priority couldn’t see me tonight, so do you want to go out?” How convenient that you fill in any gaps in his life.
He’s never been single. It’s really worrying if a guy’s jumped from one relationship to another, with hardly any single time in-between. What’s that about? He’s clearly using relationships to distract him from his issues and things that make him feel uncomfortable. Sorry, but the dude needs to be alone for once.
Everyone hates him. He doesn’t have anyone who supports him. Whether it’s his family members, friends, or even old colleagues, it seems that the world is against him and he’s the poor victim everyone leaves. Oh, whatever. How can every single one of those people be wrong? Now that he’s with you, he’s hoping to feel worthy by having a sparkling new relationship or show the world he’s actually a decent guy (even though he’s not).
He’s out of an LTR. He’s just exited a really long-term and committed relationship but he’s keen for a fresh start. He’s over what’s-her-name and just wants to jump into a new relationship with you. Whoa, hold on. He’s treating you like his drug to help him forget about his ex. Don’t be surprised if that fiery whirlwind romance burns you.
You don’t fit the mold. When he talks about his exes, you see that you’re actually not his type at all. In fact, you’re completely different when it comes to your likes, hobbies, and values. What gives? He might be keen for some adventure. It’s like trying new cuisine for a change to spice things up. You know what tends to happen—you end up back on to the mac ‘n cheese for dinner because it’s what you really like. Hmm. If you’re not his idea of GF material, get out before you get further confirmation.
He’s there for the good times. You can tell when someone’s just dating for their own selfish reasons by how they rock up when the times are great and the wine’s flowing. When you go through a really difficult time and need support, they’re AWOL. If he’s looking for distraction, he’s not going to be keen on stress and drama. He wants fun! Well, he can take his selfishness and go to hell.
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