Are You The Girl Of His Dreams Or A Distraction? Here’s The Truth

You think he really likes being with you, but how can you be sure you’re not just his temporary distraction? To prevent being in that crappy situation, here are 13 signs that the relationship’s not his main priority. Sorry, but you’re clearly not the girl of his long-term relationship dreams.

  1. He’s preoccupied with something every time you’re together and you can’t figure out why. If it seems like he’s always somewhere else in his mind, that might make you worry that he’s not really interested in you. It could also mean that he just checks into the relationship when he feels he needs some excitement in his life. The classic example is the guy who sends you texts at three in the morning but never during the day.
  2. He always has so much going on. His life is full of drama and he’s so busy he’s battling to keep everything going. So where do you fit in? That’s the thing—you don’t. He keeps you in one corner of his life where it’s convenient so he can continue with the rest of his life as a single guy. You can spot this guy by how he can only see you on certain days or between certain times, especially when he needs a bit of fun. So messed up.
  3. He’s in a bad placeHe’s going through a lot of stressful stuff. He lost his job. He can’t make the rent this month on his apartment. He had a bad skiing accident. You get the point. You met him at a time when his life was all over the place. and he needed a distraction. You might think it’s fate for you to be there to support him, but it’s probably not. Chances are he’s just hoping to have some beauty in his screwed-up life. There’s nothing wrong with that, as long as you feel secure in the relationship. Hopefully, he doesn’t plan to drop you from his life when his bad days turn sunny.
  4. He’s lonely af. He tells you how lonely he’s been and how much he wanted to find someone. That’s sweet, right? Well, if it seems like his loneliness was the main motivator for why he asked you out, that’s a red flag. You want someone who’s complete and happy before you come along, otherwise, it’s like you’re just there to keep their bed warm at night. Ugh.
  5. He’s got nothing going on. You’re the only highlight of his entire existence. In fact, he often tells you that you’re his entire world and that he’s got nothing else to live for. Um, after a while it feels creepy instead of romantic. A guy who’s got nothing interesting about his life is a dull man who’s clutching onto a relationship to make him feel excited about life and himself. You’re worth more than that.
  6. He keeps you on the back burner. He only calls you when he’s being spontaneous—in other words, when his other plans fall through. He’s the king of “I was just in the neighborhood” story when what he’s really saying is, “Look, I’m trying to sound romantic but my main priority couldn’t see me tonight, so do you want to go out?” How convenient that you fill in any gaps in his life.
  7. He’s never been singleIt’s really worrying if a guy’s jumped from one relationship to another, with hardly any single time in between. What’s that about? He’s clearly using relationships as a distraction from his issues and things that make him feel uncomfortable. Sorry, but the dude needs to be alone for once.
  8. Everyone hates him. He doesn’t have anyone who supports him. Whether it’s his family members, friends, or even old colleagues, it seems that the world is against him and he’s the poor victim everyone leaves. Oh, whatever. How can every single one of those people be wrong? Now that he’s with you, he’s hoping to feel worthy by having a sparkling new relationship or show the world he’s actually a decent guy (even though he’s not).
  9. He’s just out of a long-term relationship. He’s just exited a really long-term and committed relationship but he’s keen for a fresh start. He’s over what’s-her-name and just wants to jump into a new relationship with you. Whoa, hold on. He’s treating you like his drug to help him forget about his ex. Don’t be surprised if that fiery whirlwind romance burns you.
  10. You don’t fit the mold. When he talks about his exes, you see that you’re actually not his type at all. In fact, you’re completely different when it comes to your likes, hobbies, and values. What gives? He might be keen on some adventure. It’s like trying new cuisine for a change to spice things up. You know what tends to happen—you end up back on to the mac ‘n cheese for dinner because it’s what you really like. Hmm. If you’re not his idea of girlfriend material, get out before you get further confirmation.
  11. He’s there for the good times. You can tell when someone’s just dating for their own selfish reasons by how they rock up when the times are great and the wine’s flowing. When you go through a really difficult time and need support, they’re AWOL. If he’s looking for distraction, he’s not going to be keen on stress and drama. He wants fun! Well, he can take his selfishness and go to hell.

Signs you might be the girl of his dreams

  1. He sincerely wants to help. This guy doesn’t just run away when you mention you have to fix something. Instead, he’ll look for ways that he can give you a hand, whether it’s working on your car or helping you solve a conflict at work. He’ll do whatever he can to make your life easier even if he has to go out of his way to do so.
  2. He apologizes when he messes up. No one’s perfect, and even the best boyfriends are going to mess up sometimes. But the difference between a man who really cares about you and one who’s only keeping you around for fun is how he handles his mistakes. If he sincerely apologizes when he’s late or makes you upset, he’s proving that he’s willing to put aside his pride to make things right between you. He genuinely cares about what you’ll think about him when he couldn’t keep his word.
  3. He cares about your opinion and asks For It. When you have a guy who isn’t serious about your relationship, you may notice he doesn’t involve you in his life decisions, let alone ask for your opinion on small things. When the man you’re with wants to know what you think of anything from how he should ask his boss for a raise to what kind of trash bags he should buy, it’s proof that he values your mind. You’re not a distraction, you’re a valuable part of his life.
  4. Even when you’re not around, he’s excited about you. Have any of his family members told you that he wouldn’t shut up about you? This is a good sign. Any guy can make you feel special when you’re together, but when a guy can’t get you off his mind even when you’re apart, it means that he’s head over heels for you.
  5. He’s always trying to include you in his interests. Whether he is interested in cars, fishing, or golf, he tries to make sure you’re included somehow. He wants you to be a part of his life, and that means integrating you into the things he loves most. Humor him sometimes, even if you really, really hate his hobbies.
  6. He’s at the point in his life where commitment could work. How many guys have you dated that still live with their mom, have no job, and have no goals in life? If your boyfriend is at a stable point in life where he has an established career and knows what he wants in the near and far future, he’s much more likely to want to settle down with you.
  7. You’ve met his family and friends. This is a huge sign that your guy is serious about you and you’re more than a simple distraction to him. Many guys avoid bringing a girl home unless they’re really into her. If he’s bringing you around the other people he loves most in his life, he clearly wants you to stick around for a while.
  8. He goes out of his way to make real plans with you. If this guy is serious about you, he won’t leave everything until the last minute. Instead, he’ll plan ahead, making sure that his time spent with you is well thought out rather than hastily thrown together. If you’re a distraction, you’ll hear from him only when nothing better is going on.
  9. Your happiness matters to him. He’s constantly supporting you in whatever you choose to do in life. He encourages you to keep moving forward, and when you’re down, he’s there to pick you right back up. A man who doesn’t really care about you won’t mind when you’re upset, but a man who wants you in his life for the long term is going to treat your happiness as an investment.
  10. He never fails to show affection. He doesn’t have to be all over you 24/7, but the guy should at least be holding your hand. If you’re watching TV, he might catch you off guard and give you a hug and a kiss. Whether you’re in private or in public, he won’t be able to keep his hands off you if he’s in it for the long haul.
  11. He makes a special spot for you at his place. If you’ve been together for a while and he has cleared a spot for your toothbrush in the bathroom and made room in his closet for some of your clothes, that means that he plans on you being around for a while. It’s a small gesture, but one that means you’re the only woman that’s going to be spending time at his place from now on. He’s not looking for a distraction, he’s looking for a real partner.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.