When it comes to coming, we’ve all got our own styles. Some of us like to let our eyes roll back in our heads as we sail away to O-Town pretty quietly, while other of us are more vocal and the better the orgasm, the louder we get. And while none of us want to hear our roommates, upstairs neighbors, parents, or anyone else screaming in pleasure, turns out, loud sex is actually good for your health.
It makes sense, really. The idea that we feel comfortable enough with our partners to go full on banshee is what sex is all about. If we’re sleeping with someone, we should trust them completely (even if just in the bedroom, as is the case with one-night stands, FWBs, and hook-ups), and it’s that implicit trust that we’re in this thing together that lets us experience the joys of what sex is all about.
As psychotherapist Dr. Ian Kerner explained to Broadly, it’s all about communication, without which any partnership — sexual, romantic or otherwise — is pretty much pointless.
“Copulatory vocalization—making noise during sex—is an essential way of communicating with your partner, letting them know what feels good, what doesn’t necessarily feel good. Many studies have shown that women who vocalize a lot during sex, that it’s not often as much about their own pleasure [as] it is about signifying to their partner that it’s okay for them to orgasm.”
Makes a lot of sense, but not all of us are screamers, and that’s fine! Kerner was clear to point out that you don’t HAVE to bring the house down with loud sex in order for it to be good sex. In fact, forcing yourself to scream and shout when that’s not your thing not only comes off as fake, but could ruin the experience.
“There’s all kinds of ways to have sex, and loud sex does not automatically have to equal good sex. We do have to distinguish between real sex, the sounds we make during real sex, and the sounds we make when we perform.”
In other words, keep doing you. If it feels right, there’s nothing wrong with it.