There seems to be some distance between men and women when it comes to the topic of marriage. Namely, a lot of women want to get married and many men don’t. This may be a gender stereotype, but it may also be a current dilemma in your life, which is why I’m here to help. Here are some reasons your guy may be hesitant about tying the knot.
- Marriage is unreasonably expensive. The venue, the rings, the dress, the invitations, the cake, the band, the food for your friends who probably earn a higher income than you anyway… the list goes on and on. Forgive me for sounding cynical, but why do couples start their married lives by spending all of their savings right in the beginning? Isn’t money enough of a strain on everyday existence as it is? Blowing your entire life savings on one big party sounds like literally the most irresponsible thing you could be doing. Unless, of course, your father’s paying, in which case, we’re all for it.
- You’ve been pushy and now he’s scared. Perhaps your boyfriend’s really happy with how great his life is with you. He doesn’t see any reason to complicate matters and mess with this comfortable bubble. What’s more, your nagging pressure has actually worked against you. It has weakened your power. You’ve handed the deciding voice to him and now he’s feeling super smug about himself. He’s not afraid of losing you; he thinks he’s got this situation under his complete control. Test this theory by backing off and then watch him follow you like a dog. Trust me, I know this because I’m a guy.
- He didn’t watch the same Disney cartoons as you. Stupid Disney ruined everything. It programmed your suggestible adolescent mind to believe in princes and cartoon birds and angel harps and happily-ever-after. The end of the film explicitly told you that marriage was the ultimate commitment. It would solve all of your problems because that’s what happened on your TV. Well, I’ve got news for you: the film goes on and life is much bigger and more magical than all of that. It takes something far deeper than marriage to create happiness. On some level, I believe everyone knows this already.
- Marriage is an oppressive practice. If you do your research, you’ll find that marriage was built upon unadulterated sexism. As the woman, your father “gives you away,” you’re often expected to lose your last name, and many still believe that the wife’s role is to stay at home, cleaning, cooking, and looking after the kids. Thankfully, much has changed and we’ve come along way since we traded our girls for cattle or property, but the point still stands: this wedding idea of yours is deeply rooted in a patriarchal concept designed to restrain you. The fact that same-sex marriages are only recently being recognized should give you a hint too.
- He’s pining over an ex. Here are all of your greatest nightmares coming true. There’s still a chance that your boyfriend is a wounded case; a heartbroken animal regularly fantasizing over the one who got away. He spends his days praying that his ex-girlfriend will come back to him and they will ride away upon her magic carpet. Naturally, he wouldn’t want to sever this opportunity by tying himself to you. What’s worse is that he’ll never tell you this because you’re his back up plan and he needs to keep you around, otherwise, he’ll be really lonely if she doesn’t come around. If this is a worry of yours, turn the concern into an open conversation or find someone who likes you more.
- Outdated paperwork has no place in love. There’s this joke that goes, “Marriage: I’ll bet you half of my stuff that I’ll love you forever.” It’s funny but it’s also terrifyingly accurate. Not only is signing a legal document literally the most unromantic thing I can think of but it also makes zero logical sense. What do the church and state have to do with loving someone forever? Beavers mate for life and they don’t even have signatures.
- The divorce rate is too damn high. Until death do us part, or at least until we get bored of each other, right? What’s even the point? So you can set up potentially the biggest breakup of your life? 50% of all marriages end in divorce and that’s a pretty expensive coin toss if you ask me. Look, if Anna Faris and Chris Pratt can’t make it work, then what makes you think you can? Take the worst heartbreak you ever had, multiply it by a thousand and you’re still nowhere near it because there are lawyers involved.
- He has a different future in mind. I’m sure your boyfriend loves you to bits and pieces, but perhaps the idea of spending the rest of his days with you isn’t exactly his long-term plan. Some men are simply more drawn towards that bachelor culture. They prefer to keep their options open, one foot in the door for the rest of their lives until they get old and then they die alone.
- He’s cheating on you. Finally, the worst case scenario is that you’re not the only girl on the cards. Is he secretive about his plans? Does he hide his phone from you? Maybe he’s dating someone else? Maybe he’s sleeping around? Or maybe you’re just paranoid? Either way, why would you want to marry someone you don’t trust?