How annoying is it to find out someone you totally wanted a chance with had been pining for you for years too without saying a word? I used to harp over potential romances that never came to be, but I’ve learned to let them continue floating in the non-action abyss without caring so much. Here are 8 thoughts that cross my mind when there’s potential for someone to be withholding their true feelings from me.
- This lack of initiative could be permanent. I mean, let’s say I help a guy out and take the lead just this one time. Is this setting myself up for an eternity of being the advancer? Do I permanently wear the pants in the relationship? Do I have to check in every few months from now on with a “what are we” convo? Send him engagement ring pics? Actually propose to myself? If he can’t muster up the courage to be direct in the early beginning stages, this could result in a lifetime of being on different pages or having to prompt him.
- If he could only gather his courage after the fact, the feelings may not have ever been real. I had a guy tell me years later that he used to have a crush on me and to be honest, I was severely underwhelmed. I mean, love makes us do stupid things, doesn’t it? Even if it wasn’t his norm to gush feelings, if he was really that into me surely, he would’ve been temporarily blinded with bravery and boldness. Telling me so long after the fact makes me feel like it was just a passing fleeting thought one day that he had when he was a little curious what being with me would be like before he moved on to other concerns.
- Timing is important. I know it sounds so cliché to say timing is everything, but, well…it is. If he doesn’t say anything and nothing transpires between us because of it….then I think it’s safe to assume the planets aren’t aligned in our favor at this time and that’s that. Not every attraction/interest has to lead to a whole full-blown relationship.
- I’m not one to settle. I know my worth. If you can’t shout your love for me off the rooftops- forget it. Okay, just kidding – I’m not that conceited. Still, can you at least whisper sweet nothings privately between the two of us? Is my RBF that intimidating that I’m running off all advances? Surely if he can’t make a concrete move, another guy can, so I’m not holding out for someone who can’t claim what they want.
- He was able to ask other girls out. I’m not buying the shy line from any guy who’s ever had a girlfriend before because how did that happen? You were able to advance with another woman somehow or other, so why suddenly tongue-tied and stuck with me? Unless he has some chronic inability to speak up and is a 40-year-old virgin, I just find the presence of a past dating history suspect.
- Is it wrong to want to be pursued? I’m all for gender equality and girl power, but I’m also a little old-fashioned and traditional in love. Chivalry and advances are a turn-on. It’s not like he has to offer his inheritance to my dad to get permission to court me, so is his life really that hard because he simply has to ask me out? I mean, the task at hand during modern times seems a lot easier, so I don’t think I’m asking too much.
- Shouldn’t persistence be valued over patience? Shouldn’t persistence be valued over patience? Life is short and uncertain. Silently harboring an undying love for years isn’t really as romantic as it may sound. It’s really just complacent, unproductive, and lazy. Why waste years of opportunity clinging to your nerves and not just put yourself out there for a chance? If the answer is no it’s no, but waiting indefinitely for an opening to shoot your shot doesn’t really serve either one of us.
- How can I be sure he even wants me? To be fair, if we’re both just sitting around guessing and neither one of us addresses the love prospect elephant in the room, then we both may be guilty. But if we can’t communicate with one another before we even start anything, then how solid of a romance could we have? I guess some prospects just need to stay in our imaginations if we’re both stuck in the entryway and not willing to walk through any doors.
