Be With A Guy Who Uses “When” Instead Of “If” When Talking About His Future With You

The future can be a scary thing to discuss when you’re dating someone, especially if you haven’t been together for too long. Of course you should slow down and enjoy where your relationship is now, but this is why you should never settle for a guy who isn’t sure that you’ll be a part of his life down the road:

  1. If he doubts your future together, you’ll be doubting your present. If he never mentions you when he talks about his great plans for the future, yet comes off as being in love with you now, something’s not matching up. You’ll constantly question if he’s going to be with you for the long haul, and that’s no way to live.
  2. You’re not supposed to feel like your relationship has an expiration date. If he can’t talk about what you’ll both be doing together in the future, he’s just renting your relationship until something better comes along. It’s screwed up that he can’t be 100 percent sure that you’ll be the one for him.
  3. His life decisions should be made with you. You’ve been dating for a long time, so he should be making big decisions WITH you, not just telling you about them. For instance, if he’s decided to quit his job and take a year off to travel, you should be a part of that decision-making process. Why? Because you’re supposed to be a priority in his life, and you shouldn’t accept anything less.
  4. You don’t want to waste your time. The older you get, the more you worry about wasting time on the wrong guys, and rightly so. A guy who loves you won’t take advantage of your patience and effort; he’ll show you every day that he deserves what you have to give.
  5. You deserve someone who’s committed to you. Here’s the catch: he’s got to be committed to you in both the present AND future tense. If he can’t seem to decide whether or not he wants you in his life for the next year or more, that’s not good enough.
  6. He needs to avoid mixed messages. If he’s worthy of your precious time, he’ll make it clear that he loves you. He won’t give you any BS mixed messages. There are few things worse than a guy who’s dating you exclusively but can’t speak of having you in his future.
  7. He’s not supposed to be in his comfort zone. After a long time of dating, if he can’t see a future with you, you can’t help but wonder if he’s gotten too comfortable. Perhaps the relationship has become an easy constant in his life, but he needs to take a few risks and show you that he doesn’t just intend to be with you until he gets bored.
  8. The days of casual dating are over. Early on in your dating days, you probably spent some time keeping things chill and figuring out where you guys were headed. But after many months, if he’s still using “if” when talking about your future, he’s clearly not looking at the bigger picture.
  9. You need to hit a secure milestone. When you can chat about the future, it’s confirmation that you and your partner have reached a more attached, secure place. It’s a huge step forward for both of you as a couple and as individuals. If he can’t seem to include you in his future plans, you’ll be left wondering if he’s really playing for keeps.
  10.  You need to cut the strings unless you know there’s a place for you. Enough with waiting around for a guy to show you how committed he is. If he can’t talk about the future, then you need to get rid of him and find something better for yourself. You don’t need someone who’s leading you down a path with promises of roses when all you’re really going to find are weeds.
  11. Most importantly, focus on your future. It’s important for him to talk about his future with you in it, but a guy who really loves you will also want to know about YOUR plans. Just as you want to be included in his future, a guy who wants to spend his life with you will also want to make sure you’ll want him around as time moves on. Figuring out where you both want to be five or even ten years down the road is crucial to determining if this is something worth pursuing for the long term.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.