Why Do Guys Chat With You Then Never Want To Meet You?

Why Do Guys Chat With You Then Never Want To Meet You? iStock

It’s one of the greatest mysteries of the universe: You strike gold while swiping on your dating app of choice, start talking to a guy you have tons in common with, and develop a connection… but he doesn’t even want to meet you, let alone have a real relationship with you. WTF? Here’s the truth about why guys chat with you online but never want to move things to the real world.

  1. They’re scared to hell. They’ve been hurt pretty badly recently and don’t want that to happen again. They just can’t get themselves off the couch, no matter how much they might want to meet you. There’s not much you can do in this situation, so you just have to ignore any incoming messages and move on.
  2. They’re insecure. You’ve chatted with them about your awesome life and successful career and they think they won’t measure up to you. They figure they’ll never be good enough for you, so why meet you? This is super frustrating since it’s not like you tell guys they’re total losers or anything. You’re open-minded and you just want a decent person.
  3. They’re hiding something. They don’t actually live in your city… or anywhere super close to it. They still live in their parents’ basement. They’ve been unemployed since forever. When a guy will chat with you for weeks on end but come up with a million excuses for why he can’t meet you, that definitely means there’s something they don’t want you to know. Frankly, you’re probably better off without him.
  4. They’re pretending to date. A lot of people think that if they’re chatting with you online, that means they’re dating. Nope. Nothing could possibly be further from the truth. Reality starts when you move things offline.
  5. They’re showing off. Their friends are all online dating, so they figure, hey, why not? They want to prove to their buddies that they can totally get girls interested in them too. The only problem, of course, is that they don’t actually want to meet you, so they end up wasting your time.
  6. They’re immature. If you’ve ever thought that you hit it off with a guy online — the words were flowing, you seemed to be getting into a groove — and then he refused to go out with you, this one’s for you. He could have enjoyed talking to you as much as you did with him but he’s just too immature to meet you. He either knows that and is super self-aware, or he has no idea.
  7. They’re already in a relationship. Spoiler alert: not every guy who’s on a dating website or app is single. It’s an unhappy surprise but it’s always worth considering. The next time a guy says he’s swamped with work, just know that maybe he’s just not as available as you thought.
  8. They’re dating up a storm. Unfortunately, you have no way of knowing who many girls this guy you’re chatting with is already dating. If he’s a bit of an online player, he could decide not to meet you after all because he chooses one (or a whole bunch) of them over you. It sucks and the truth hurts but you won’t do yourself any favors if you don’t realize it.
  9. They’re going through the motions. If they messaged you first, it’s because they figure they should actually make use of their profile. If you messaged them and they keep answering, they figured they might as well see how far things will go. But they’ll never meet you because these types of guys are simply going through the motions of online dating. They never actually meet anyone.
  10. They’ve lost hope. They’ve been online dating long enough to realize that it’s not super easy to meet someone, and this is their last hurrah. They’ve gotten so bitter that even though you’re right there, ready to go out with them, they don’t want to go. They don’t believe it’s going to go anywhere.
  11. They’re just not into you. But it’s not you, it really is them. You’re amazing (but you already knew that, of course), they just don’t want to meet you. Since you’re just a photo and some messages to them, you can’t be insulted, because it really doesn’t matter. If they don’t want to take the next step and grab a coffee or a drink, that’s on them. Move on to someone who actually wants to meet you. It’ll be worth it, promise.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.