Think you’ve got your insecurities under wraps? Sometimes low self-esteem hides behind a facade of confidence, but there are some subtle habits that give it away. No matter how convincingly you think you’re showing off a sense of self-assuredness, here’s the ways in which your self-doubt is showing through.
1. Your first impulse is to withdraw.
If you struggle with self-esteem issues, you’ll always carry with you a fight or flight response mechanism. Your first instinct will always be to avoid any interaction that could reveal your flaws. It’s a vicious cycle of running away rather than challenging yourself (or trusting anyone to accept you just as you are).
2. You accept plans but never make them.
You never feel like a leader, whether in your workplace or among friends. You won’t even be the one to suggest plans since you worry that you might choose something that other people don’t like. Even among those closest to you, you take a passive role and let everyone else call the shots.
3. You’re scared of rejection.
Rejection sucks, even the small stuff. It makes you feel like you’re not good enough, and that feeling can linger. If you have low self-esteem, that fear of rejection can be crippling. You might avoid trying new things, putting yourself out there, or taking healthy risks because deep down, you’re terrified it won’t work out.
4. You struggle with change.
Change is where life gets interesting, even if it’s a bit scary. But if you have low self-esteem, you crave control. Any kind of change disrupts that control, and that’s overwhelming. Instead of seeing the potential for growth, you only see the possibility of things going wrong.
5. You find it hard to trust other people.
People with low self-esteem have lots of safe foods, safe habits, and behavioural patterns. As a result, it can be hard to incorporate new people into that rhythm, even if the person is perfect for you. A suspicion of new things and being untrusting is a clear sign of someone with low self-esteem.
6. It takes longer to be vulnerable in a relationship.
If you don’t believe in yourself, why would anyone else? Low self-esteem makes it really hard to open up and be vulnerable, even with someone you love. It takes a lot of trust to share your true selves with each other, and you’re terrified of being judged or rejected. If your partner doesn’t get that, it can cause major problems in the relationship end eventually destroy your love life.
7. You feel like you’re falling behind.
A clear symptom of a person with low self-esteem is the constant feeling that you’re struggling to keep up with everyone around you, either in work or in relationships. This is exhausting and also breeds a lot of resentment when things seem to come naturally or easily to other people.
8. You rely on other people’s words of affirmation.
Whether a person with low self-esteem has a good or bad day doesn’t depend on your own feelings or actions; it’s almost exclusively determined by how other people view you. This means you can be very up-and-down because you have no internally regulated self-confidence.
9. You can never accept compliments.
It’s a weird catch-22: you crave validation from other people but simultaneously don’t trust it. You want people to tell you you’re doing a good job, but deep down that voice of self-doubt whispers that they’re just being nice. Even when the evidence proves you’re successful, that little voice in your head insists it’s a fluke.
10. You dismiss your past achievements.
The biggest issue with low self-esteem is that uncertainty. You second-guess yourself constantly because deep down, you don’t believe you can achieve great things. It’s not a skill problem – it’s a mindset problem. You might be super capable, but that nagging self-doubt sabotages you every time.
11. You compare yourself to other people a lot.
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Constantly comparing yourself to others is a recipe for misery. Instead of focusing on your own growth and accomplishments, you get trapped in a game you can never win. Even if you do “beat” someone else, that feeling is fleeting. It fosters jealousy and competitiveness, even if you try to hide those feelings.
12. You’re always trying a new diet or exercise regime.
When you’ve spent your whole life plagued by inferiority complexes, you will have a messed-up relationship with your body, diet, and exercise. You won’t trust your own lifestyle choices, so you’ll always be ready to abandon your principles and try a new fad in the hope it “fixes” you.
13. You have self-destructive tendencies.
When feeling particularly low and hopeless, people with low self-esteem aren’t known for their strong coping skills. You’ll find yourself running away from things without having really tried out of fear of failing, and this is where you let yourself down. Trust yourself more, otherwise, low self-esteem will ruin your personal life.
14. You isolate yourself on bad days.
When you’re down bad, you never want to let anyone in to help you, even if they want to. It illustrates how you shy away from the world when you’re scared. To be vulnerable is to grow and love yourself — until you embrace those facts, you’ll continue to struggle.
15. You’re never happy with what you see in the mirror.
Low self-esteem makes it hard to accept yourself, especially how you look. People can shower you with compliments, but if you don’t believe it yourself, their words mean nothing. It traps you in this bubble of negativity, where you just don’t see the good in yourself.
16. You feel like you’ll never achieve your dreams.
The most frustrating thing about low self-esteem is that you could be amazing – smart, talented, kind – but deep down, you don’t believe it. This makes you avoid challenges, procrastinate on important things, and give up when things get tough. It’s all a lie your brain is telling you. Once you start challenging those negative thoughts, you’ll realize how truly capable you are.
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