7 Ways Low Self-Esteem Screws With Your Love Life

7 Ways Low Self-Esteem Screws With Your Love Life ©iStock/fotolaki

You’re not worthy of love. You better start collecting cats so that you’ll die a little less alone, right? That’s what you tell yourself, but it’s BS — you just don’t know your own worth. You absolutely deserve to find true love, a good relationship and your happily ever after. Sadly, your low self-esteem is the one thing standing in your way. Here’s how:

  1. You hush your inner sex goddess. Being good in bed is all about being confident. You don’t have to know the Kama Sutra, like an erotic star or even have years of experience under your belt, you just have to be confident in what you’re doing. When you have no self-esteem in general, it’s pretty damn hard to have confidence in your sex life. Is it any wonder it’s all but non-existent?
  2. You pay way too much attention to “leagues.” For some reason, you always worry that any guy you like is too good for you. Apparently you didn’t get the memo, because the whole idea of leagues is complete BS. You need to stop ranking men and women and start believing that no guy is out of your league because there’s no such thing. You’re a catch, and it’s about damn time you realize that.
  3. You don’t know why anyone would like you. Which makes it really hard for him to know why he likes you. A guy can’t be your source of self-esteem — you need to find confidence on your own. He says he likes you and you somehow manage to convince yourself and sometimes even him that he doesn’t. You need to embrace the affection, not stifle it, or it’s you and your low self-esteem that will end up together.
  4. You let jealousy get the best of you. You’re constantly worried that another woman will take him away from you. When you worry that other women are better than you, it makes him worry too. If you can’t see how great you are, how will he? Men are attracted to confident women, so if you don’t believe you’re worthy of his love, he’ll start to believe it too.
  5. You’re always worrying about the end (before you even get started). Which means you can’t enjoy the journey. You worry whether he loves you and misses you and if whether one day he’ll realize you’re not “The One.” All that anxiety is seeping into your relationship. Every time you worry, he losing confidence in the idea that you’re right for each other. You can’t expect him to hold the relationship together; it takes teamwork, and you need to start picking up the slack.
  6. You depend on guys for self-worth, and that’s ridiculous. If a guy isn’t interested then you feel like nothing, but you can’t let your happiness depend on whether or not a boy likes you. Why would you ever want to give a guy control over you like that? If you feel worthless without him, he’ll start thinking that you need him a  little too much.
  7. You’re not confident in your relationship. If you have no confidence on your own, how could you ever be confident with someone else? You have to fix your personal problems first, before you can even consider being with someone else. If you don’t feel worthy of love, your relationship is going to suffer. Feeling confident in yourself is the first step to feeling confident about your role as a future wife, partner, and lover, but your low self-esteem takes you one step back yet again.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.