I’m Not Hard To Love, I’m Just A Challenge—That’s What Makes Me Such A Catch

Most of the best things in life are challenging. They require effort and thought. They test you and along the way they teach you who you are or who you want to become. A good man won’t be afraid when I reveal myself as a complex human being. Instead, he’ll see that, with me, he has an opportunity to experience a unique and inspiring love.

  1. Any guy who thinks I’m too difficult is weeding himself out. The old “difficult woman” trope is sometimes what guys use when they’re being lazy AF and don’t want to put in the time to develop a lasting relationship. I’m onto that game, so if any dude thinks it’s bad for me to occasionally challenge him, I don’t need that jerk in my life anyway. Next, please!
  2. I’m not shallow. I’ve had to grow some deep and twisted roots to become my complicated self. I’m cool with that. Shoot, I’m PROUD of that. I don’t want to experience a life constantly on the polite surface of things. It’s good to dig down and get entwined. Life is one crazy, awkward process. I revel in that beautiful mess.
  3. I have my quirks like anyone else. Well, fine, I’ll admit it: I’m told that I am VERY quirky, a misfit even—still, a lovable one, dammit! I’m a  language nerd, a sarcastic skeptic, and a hopeless romantic all in one breath. Of course I’m a pain in the butt… for the wrong person. That’s why I don’t expect every man in the world to love me. Still, I’m not going to stifle my oddities. I’m going to search until I find the man whose oddities work symbiotically with my own.
  4. I’m stubborn but I’m fair-minded. I have a clear vision for the important aspects of life, and I’m not willing to compromise on these unless experience shows me that there is, in fact, a better way to manage a situation. Granted, experience might have to bludgeon me to get the message through. Eventually, though, I’ll figure it out. I see nothing wrong with demanding evidence before I bend to another way of thinking or behaving. Some call it stubbornness. I call it strength of character. Big bonus to the guy in my life—if I love and believe in him, I’ll stay steadfastly at his side through the tough times.
  5. I have trouble letting people get close, but I’m loyal to the core. Fidelity is never an issue for me. If I want to be with a man, I’ll be with him all the way and no other guy will tempt me. If I don’t want to be with a man, I’ll tell him so and move on. So although I may seem reticent when it’s time to take the next step in a relationship, he needs to remember one thing: I never say it if I don’t mean it. He can count my every “I love you” as authentic and he can rest assured that when I tell him he’s mine, I mean he’s my one and only.
  6. If I’m bad at talking about my emotions, it’s only because I don’t want to be a burden. A relationship shouldn’t be a never-ending therapy session. What could be more of a drag for any dude in my life? I strongly believe in working out my crap without bringing every anxiety to my lover’s inspection. I’d prefer to handle my own crazy and be my best self when I’m with him. Unfortunately, the best-laid plans can go to hell when my feelings refuse to squash neatly down and instead begin to leak out uninvited. I get that that’s obnoxious. I just hope he’ll remember that I really do have the best of intentions, even when the result is a little off-kilter.
  7. I’m not going to bend over backward to be the girl of his dreams, but I shouldn’t have to change for him anyway. The dude who prefers women with long, flowing locks, expert taste in cheese and wine pairings or a fondness for video games should turn around and walk the other way. I promise you, I’m not his gal. And that’s okay. I’m not looking for a boyfriend whose mold I’ll eventually conform to. I’m looking for the one who thinks I’m great as is.
  8. He would get bored in a minute if I weren’t a little challenging. The most exhilarating moments arise from unexpected complication. Those are the times that help us to reach our next phase in life. No Stepford Wife behavior from me, I promise. I’m not always pretty or pristine, but I’m definitely interesting. I’m a good choice if he’s looking for a relationship that can develop in new and wonderful ways he’d never even imagined.
  9. I admit it when I’m wrong. If I screw up, I own up and try to do better next time. Just don’t expect perfection of me because there are a million mistakes to make and I’m bound to discover many more of these. All I ask is for him to remember that none of my gaffes come from a mean-spirited place. I honestly strive to do right by others, so maybe he should give me a break rather than get all frustrated when I commit some minor sin.
  10. I have a sense of humor about my missteps. Romance is always a comedy of errors. Sometimes when everything is going wrong and you need a quick de-escalation, the best thing to do is lighten the eff up. I’m a master at finding the funny in even the most frustrating situations. So if I make him a little nuts sometimes with my confounding behavior, how can he stay mad when I’m so honestly good-natured about our little couples dramas?
  11. I don’t expect him to be perfect—I definitely know I’m not. It would be unreasonable to expect any guy in my life to be flawless. In fact, I’d find him boring if he was. Give me the man whose a little scratched up and driven by weird habits, a diamond in the rough I can adore not in spite of but because of all his so-called imperfections.
Jackie Dever is a freelance writer and editor in Southern California. When she's not working, she enjoys hiking, reading, and sampling craft beers.