I Used To Hate Being Single… Until I Realized How Awesome It Is

After a long-term relationship, I found myself slap-bang in the middle of being single again. Ugh. I felt really weird and a bit intimidated. How would I deal? Would I miss the comfort of a relationship? Oh, please—I actually ended up having the time of my life!

  1. Everything was free game. I could text whoever I wanted to without worrying that my texts were inappropriate for someone in a relationship. I could flirt with any guy, even if I just felt like doing it for the hell of it, without worrying about what a partner would think or say. I could make connections and enjoy them intensely. So freeing!
  2. I enjoyed being a third wheel. I used to dread going out on my own and being the third wheel with couple friends, but now I embraced it. It was awesome because I got to spend more time with my loved ones and their loved ones, and I’m sure sometimes they were actually envious of me not having relationship dramas to deal with!
  3. I didn’t have to waste time. Ah, free weekends! I didn’t have to spend any time with my boyfriend’s lame friends or do anything he wanted to do. I didn’t realize how much time had gone to pleasing him and compromising until I was single and didn’t have to do that stuff. What a relief.
  4. My appearance could be whatever I wanted. I could dye my hair flaming orange or not shave my legs for three weeks, and not a single fuck was given. Even though I’ve always chosen how I look and dress, I have to admit that being in a relationship limits that a little because it’s normal to want to be attractive to your partner. Well, that didn’t matter anymore now. Yay!
  5. I was the creator of happiness. I didn’t have to wait around for my boyfriend to make me happy or boost my mood. Screw that. Being on my own meant that I was the only person who had to make myself happy. Learning this was a great skill to have because it means no matter what happens in my life, I’ll always be smiling.
  6. I could get intense. I always tried to do what I wanted in my previous relationship, like chasing my goals, but now I could become completely passionate and intense about my hobbies and dreams. If I wanted to spend the entire weekend writing or reading, I didn’t have anyone there to ask me if I was going to get out of bed. Bliss!
  7. I could think out the relationship box. Without any interruptions, I got a lot of thinking done during this time about what I wanted out of life, where I wanted to go, and what had held me back in my previous relationship. I was breaking down obstacles so I could chase my dreams and become my best self.
  8. I liked being selfish. I didn’t have to share any of the chocolate in the house. I didn’t have to watch my words. I could swear like a sailor while driving. I could be selfish with who I was and what felt good to me in that moment, without first having to consider my partner’s feelings.
  9. I was busy af. I had lots of time to spend on my passions and I ended up being really busy. I used to worry that filling my time as a single person would be difficult, but that’s such BS. I was busy at work and busy trying new experiences, like taking up a dance class and reconnecting with old school friends. Time flew!
  10. I didn’t have to wait for good stuff to begin. I didn’t need a man before great things could happen in my life. I was living it in the moment! I could travel, I could take up painting, and I did all that and more to invest in myself and have a great time RIGHT NOW.
  11. My friendships grew. I had more time for close friends and getting to spend amazing nights with them enriched my life. A study by Cornell sociologist Erin Cornwell found that people who live with a partner or spouse are less likely to spend evenings socializing with friends. When I was single, I was able to give so much more time and energy to my amazing friends, and great memories were made.
  12. I realized a relationship wasn’t an achievement. It’s easy to get into the mindset that successful relationships are achievements but they’re not. Another person choosing to be with me didn’t mean I was amazing—I’d been amazing before that relationship entered my life, so I didn’t need it. Without it, I could focus on real achievements like getting another degree to work on becoming a better, smarter person.
  13. I looked after myself. I worked extra hard because I didn’t have anyone to go home to, and that’s not sad—it’s empowering! I could achieve more at the office and earn more money, so I wasn’t sharing romantic couple selfies on Facebook, but I was planning for a more financially-sound future.
  14. I had no safety net. I couldn’t settle for less in life in the way that I had in my previous relationship, treating it like some sort of comfort zone. I had to get out there and make things happen for myself—it was all up to me and the result was that I was living much more than I had been.
  15. I burst into creativity. I’ve always been a creative person but now that I was single, I became so much more open to different projects. I also had lots of emotional stuff to work through after my relationship ended, so I injected it all into creative activities, like writing and painting. I created some awesome things during that time, so the breakup had been a gift.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.