If you’ve been single for some time, you might overlook a few red flags that your new boyfriend is displaying. One of the best ways to figure out whether or not he’s worth your time is to think about the way you communicate. If you find yourself asking him these questions, this isn’t a match made in heaven.
“You deleted your dating profile, right?” When the two of you have acknowledged that you’re officially a couple, all of the elements of his bachelor life should disappear. That means that his profile is deactivated, and the app is off his phone. If you still see it there, or happen to see him browse on occasion, he’s not as serious about you as you’d like to believe. It’s almost like he’s one step away from messaging someone else and cheating.
“A new restaurant opened up, can you take me there?” Sometimes you’ll be the one to initiate dates—that’s just how relationships work—but if you have to always ask him to take you places, you’re going to start resenting him. A great guy will still take you out to dinner after the honeymoon period of a relationship is over. Just because you’re now official doesn’t mean he no longer has to try.
“Do I look fat in this?” This is a stereotypical question, sure, but it kind of leaves the guy in an awkward position. If you’re looking for his honest input, give him two or three outfit choices and ask him which one he likes the most. That way, you’re steering the conversation away from negativity.
“Who’s this girl that texted you?” It’s not wrong of him to have female friends but it is wrong of him to hide them. If he thinks you’re “going to be mad,” obviously there’s something about their relationship that’s a little suspicious. Even if the relationship is completely innocent, he at least has a crush on her or has thought about what it’d be like to sleep with her if he’s keeping her a secret.
“What kind of girl are you into?” This question means that you’re under the impression that the answer isn’t you. Maybe you’re not having sex as often as you want to and you’re wondering how to be a little more attractive. It’s just an awkward thing to say and there’s a great chance he’ll have no idea how to answer it.
“Can you clean up?” Guys are slobs sometimes but it’s not your job to remind him to pick up after himself. He has two working eyes so he knows when the garbage can is full, he’s just too lazy to take the initiative himself. Keep in mind that this is a behavioral quirk that’s literally never going to change.
“Do you even love me?” If you’re asking this, you’re either fishing for compliments or know that your relationship is severely strained. You should never have to doubt the way someone feels about you. If you ask him whether or not he loves you, or even likes you, it’s a sign that you guys might be a complete mismatch.
“Is it OK if I go out with my friends?” You only ask this question to an extremely controlling guy. Never ask permission to live your life. If he separates you from your friends, he’s setting you up to be all alone once the relationship tanks. Even if he’s not all that fond of your friends, he should at least recognize that time out with them makes you happy.
“Can you pay attention?” Everyone is capable of zoning someone out, but if it’s a frequent habit, you may be begging for your guy’s attention. After a while, you’ll grow exhausted trying to compete against a video game, or TV show, or something else that’s totally distracting him.
“Where did all your money go?” You shouldn’t have to be his personal banker, but you should also be familiar with how he spends his money and if he’s spending it like an adult. A guy with a job should always make sure to pay his bills, or at the very least have a plan to take care of debt. If his money goes missing, he could have an issue you don’t even know about, like a shopping or gambling addiction. If this relationship is going to get serious, these bad habits will affect you someday.
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