I Don’t Sleep With People Unless We’re Official & You Shouldn’t Either

My friends might call me a prude, but I stand by the fact that I don’t sleep with a guy until he’s officially my boyfriend. It was a rule I established for myself in my late teens and has saved me a ton of heartache. Here’s why I recommend it to everyone.

  1. It shows how much this guy likes you. When you’re at the point where he asks you to be his girlfriend, you should have gotten a pretty good read on whether or not he’s sincere. That is, unless he asks on the first or second date. If he’s willing to wait for you, he genuinely likes you. A guy who only wanted sex wouldn’t waste his time, especially because the “will you be my girlfriend” chat will probably happen four or five dates in.
  2. Sexual incompatibility isn’t a dealbreaker. But the lack of face-to-face chemistry is. If you have sex on the first date and it’s bad, you may give up on a second or third date. But if you already know this guy is great outside of the bedroom, you’ll remember that it’s something that every couple can easily work on. A bunch of women out there probably gave up on a guy who’d otherwise be a perfect match based on one small bedroom snafu, and I don’t want to be one of them.
  3. I’m not willing to go through STD screenings for a guy who doesn’t even want to be my boyfriend. I don’t mind using condoms, but they’re not always around if sex is about to happen. I depend on the pill for my main method of birth control. But, that won’t protect me from STDs. If a relationship became more serious, my partner and I would hopefully get screened together, just for peace of mind.
  4. Commitment is a turn-on. When a guy wants to be with me (and just me) that’s a trait that’ll make me want to get in bed with him. It means he’s not afraid to stick to a plan and put time into things and people he cares about. No matter what he looks like, guys are generally around 25% hotter when this part of his personality peeks through.
  5. I don’t want him to think I sleep around. The amount of partners you have is up to you and you alone. But for me, I think it’s respectful for the guy to know that the people I choose to sleep with are people I’ve put time into and have deemed worthy. Again, this isn’t for everyone—who you sleep with is a personal choice. This is the protocol that I’m most comfortable with.
  6. I want him to like more than my body. It’s important to treat your body right and be as healthy as you can. After all, you just get one body. But I’d hate for my body to be the only thing a guy liked me for. By waiting until I’m his girlfriend, I’ll know that he at least likes spending time with me outside of the bedroom.
  7. Guys who can wait for sex are the most sincere. Are you dating a grown man or a horny 19-year-old? Guys who prove they can wait until a relationship progresses show that they know how to treat a woman, and have actually been in successful relationships before. Dating is more about sex, after all.
  8. It takes some of the pressure off of those first dates. I can focus less on wondering if the date will end with sex, and more on whether or not I like this guy enough to ask him on another date. First and second dates are hard enough as is. Letting a guy know that I’m not looking for a fling or a hookup will help center the dates and make them more enjoyable.
  9. I get more of a good read on what kind of bedroom stuff he’s into. Sex should be enjoyable for both of you. After confirming your status as boyfriend and girlfriend, you usually feel more open talking about fetishes and turn-ons. Having a little more knowledge of what he likes will let me craft a better first experience that will be memorable for both of us.
  10. It boosts my self-esteem. Any woman can sleep with someone, but knowing this guy is investing additional time in me boosts my confidence. I’m worth waiting for, and he’s openly proving it.
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.