Is swiping and matching ruining the art of dating? That’s the claim that dating app Hinge is making now that they’ve rolled out a new version that has done away with both those things in a bid to end the “dating apocalypse” they’re convinced we’re having. But are things really that dire? Not really. Here’s why things aren’t as bad as some like to make it seem:
- Swiping isn’t the problem. Here’s a controversial opinion but it needs to be said: the very act of swiping left and right isn’t actually bad. If guys don’t want to commit, they won’t commit, period. It has nothing to do with how many options they have or the fact that they use dating apps. And oh yeah, commitment-phobes have been around for a while, even before we started looking for love online.
- We actually need apps. Some of us have no problem meeting people IRL, but for others, we never found our person at college or beyond. We don’t have friends who can set us up (and our blind dates have been total disasters). If we can’t meet members of the opposite sex naturally, are we just not supposed to date? When we think of that, then yeah, apps make sense. So sorry, it’s not exactly a problem.
- We’re still human. Sometimes it seems like everyone forgets this tiny detail: that we’re humans and we’re the ones dating, not our iPhones and laptops. It’s not like our devices go on first dates for us (although that’s an idea…). We have the power to treat people properly and cut them out of our lives when they don’t respect us right back. We’re still in control.
- We have ourselves to blame. When we lead someone on or play with their emotions, we’re being crappy, and we only have ourselves to blame. We can’t blame apps for that. And if we let ourselves fall for someone who’s obviously not interested or who keeps upsetting us, that’s on us too.
- Sexism is an issue IRL too. Sure, it’s not great that guys send disgusting sexist comments on any app that we can name, but they do those things in real life, too. We’ve all been hanging out with our friends at a bar and had random guys insult us or try to hook up with us. Technology may seem like it’s brought out the worst in humanity, but this stuff has been underneath the surface all along.
- We can’t ignore the success stories. Us single people all know happy couples that met thanks to dating apps and websites. We can’t ignore that, no matter how much we want to believe that these things don’t work since we haven’t had too much luck yet. But it’s crazy to think that literally no one has found love this way. That’s just not even remotely true.
- We have it pretty easy. We love to complain about how our generation is dating in the worst time of all, but really, we have it super simple. We can date if we want to date and we can basically do that whenever we want. Apps are super convenient and we don’t have to sit at home alone, pining for a relationship.
- We don’t have to settle. As the hilarious and wise comedian/actor/dating guru Aziz Ansari talks about in his book Modern Love, previous generations met their partners at school or through mutual friends or they were introduced by family. Did they truly love the people they ended up with? Not always. They basically settled because getting married young was more accepted. We don’t have to do that today and we should be happy about that.
- We’re single by choice. Some of us go on a lot of dating breaks because we’re focusing on other things and love is not our only desire in life. We’re single by choice because of that, but also because we want to be with the right person, and that takes a while. That’s got nothing to do with apps and everything to do with the fact that connecting with someone is difficult and rare.
- We have everything we need. We honestly and truly know who we want to be with and we have the power to chose them when we meet them. We have everything we need to find love, no matter how frustrating dating apps can be or how much we wish we could meet someone organically. But calling it a dating apocalypse is a little crazy. We’re all still people trying to find real love. And in the words of the great Taylor Swift, that’s never going to go out of style.
