When you’re a kid, being a grown up sounds so cool and exciting. Then you leave your parents’ house and enter the real world, where you promptly choke on the enormous dose of reality that is thrown your way. When you realize you’re a grown up now, it’s like someone went handed you a steaming pile of BS and expected you to be excited about it. And then the realizations just keep coming… Sometimes it can be hard to tell if you’re just going through a phase or if life has changed for good. So how can you tell if you’re finally a REAL adult?
- You have more routines than a rhythmic gymnast. Your before a trip routine, your bedtime routine, your cleaning routine. This is how you keep life together, and if anyone messes it up, they will probably regret it.
Exercise feels like you got hit by a truck. Your brain might not feel like a grown up, but your body feels like an old lady that’s been shaking it too hard on a Friday night. (Oh wait, that old lady is me.) - You can have nice things. You can spend $250 on that vacuum cleaner because a) you make a lot more money now b) you’re going to use it a lot and c) you’re not going to break it while drunk cleaning.
- The first of the month almost as stressful as that time of the month. There are too many people asking for too much money at this time. I just can’t.
- You have to plan any spontaneity. Because you’re a grown up with so many responsibilities, taking a random day trip to the beach means you’ll have to find another time to do that housework, lunch date, yoga, etc.
Babies sometimes make your ovaries explode. You may or may not want them, but there’s this warm, fuzzy feeling inside when you see kids, like your body is ready for something that even grown up you isn’t all about just yet. - Your most important/favorite accessory is your watch. Because grown ups have to be on time for stuff… or at least not hella late.
Your parents aren’t perfect, but they’re usually right. They’re not the perfect heroes of your childhood anymore, but dammit if they aren’t usually thinking of something you’re not, and if they warn you against something, you listen because they’re probably right.
You’re finally noticing how expensive everything is. Really? That kale is $2.99. I mean honestly, I want kale, but $2.99 is just absurd. - You enjoy connecting one on one much more than going with a group of friends to a crowded bar. Because I can hear you talk and I can hear myself think, which is all around much more pleasant.
- Even your craziest friends have calmed down. Even the Blackout Queen of your social group only blacks out on the weekends now. Talk about progress.
- Social media BS is not worth your time. The minute you hear someone say, “Do you see what she posted on…” your eyes immediately roll so far back in your head. Where’s the emoji for that one?
Thriftiness is next to godliness. Because like the grown ups always said, “Money does not grow on trees.” And being a grown up costs more than you’ve got to spare, half teh time. - Your work clothes are more conservative. Your cleavage is much more tucked in than in your 20s because you’ve learned that grown ups don’t show their tits at work. Who knew?
You wonder why you didn’t start saving for retirement earlier. This working for a living thing is already getting old, and the sooner you start saving, the sooner you can quit.
During holidays, you just want to sleep. Grown ups are also kind of like toddlers: we need lots of naps so we don’t get cranky.
All of your life you’ve been told that someday you’ll be a grown up. Now you realize that you are a grown up, but you still don’t feel like one.