If He’s Not Making An Effort, He’s Not Interested

If He’s Not Making An Effort, He’s Not Interested ©iStock/svetikd

When you like someone, it only makes sense that you’d focus on getting to know them and forming a real relationship (assuming the feelings are mutual). Sure, he shouldn’t be the focus of your entire life, but you care enough about him to try and make things work. If he’s not making an effort in return, he’s probably not interested. It’s a tough pill to swallow but the sooner you do, the less hurt you’ll get when things inevitably fall apart. Here are just a few signs that he’s not feeling it.

  1. He takes forever to text back. Ugh, this is beyond annoying. We KNOW you have your phone on you at all times, just like us. Don’t accept the BS excuses like, “Sorry, so busy today.” This is occasionally true, yes, but not on the regular, especially when he was never too busy to send even one damn emoji a few weeks ago. He can make the time to respond, he’s just choosing not to.
  2. He doesn’t remember anything about your interests. In the beginning, you shared all of your favorite things and unique quirks with each other. It brought you closer. You remember everything he told you, but he doesn’t seem to remember anything you told him. Why? Because he doesn’t care anymore. If he did, he’d bring up how he knows how strangely obsessed you are with onion bagels, or how you’ve read every Harry Potter book at least seven times.
  3. He has canceled plans at the last minute multiple times. This should only happen once a year max unless he has a sick friend or family member or serious jerk of a boss who always makes him work overtime. If he consistently bails on plans with little time to spare, he’s communicating that his life and his time are more valuable than yours. Feel offended? You should.
  4. You don’t hear from him for days at a time. Look, you don’t have to spend hours talking to each other every day or be attached at the hip 24/7 — we’re all busy and should be living our own lives. But it’s 2016 and easier than ever to stay connected to people. If he’s disappearing completely for several days at a time, something is up (he’s no longer interested).
  5. He was attentive in the beginning but now he’s not. When you both first caught feelings, he was always messaging you, flirting, and putting in an effort to get to know you. At some point, that attentiveness began to diminish. And when you bring it up, he says something like, “Nothing is up, I’ve just been stressed at work/traveling/super busy.” You know that’s a straight-up lie because he went through all of those things before and still managed to text you several times per day so WTF?
  6. He no longer likes your Instagram photos. You post a new selfie, you know it’s in his feed, and you wait patiently for him to like it. He doesn’t, and you’re filled with a combination of rage and confusion. “I look hot today. Can’t he see that?!” He can, but he’s lost interest, so not even a double-tap of his finger on your photo is an effort he’ll make. Drop him. Now.
  7. He posts cryptic messages and doesn’t explain them to you. He posts a sad selfie or a screenshot of a song he can’t stop playing on Spotify with little to no context or mention to you of what’s up. Sound familiar? If he was still interested, he’d want you to know where he stands. He’d be willing to share his emotional ups and downs with you. If he’s doing it publicly on social media but won’t tell you why then he’s already gone.
  8. You see him making an effort with other women online. He’s liking other photos of women on Instagram, readily commenting on Facebook posts in a flirty tone, etc. And yet you can barely get him to say more than five words over text. This means he’s moved on and is too much of a coward to tell you. He’s probably about to ghost you in 3, 2, 1…
  9. He never asks you questions. He did at first, sure, but now he doesn’t even ask you how your day was or what’s new in your life. That’s generic small talk you ask coworkers you don’t even like. If he’s not even doing that, he no longer cares, which is truly his loss.
  10. He doesn’t make future plans. He makes all of his plans without you in them, and when you try to make plans with him, the most he’ll give you is a “maybe” or “I’ll have to check my schedule.” Read between the lines here. If he wanted to see you, he’d make it work. He’d be excited whenever you invited him to something. It wouldn’t be this hard, and it shouldn’t be.
  11. He can’t even hold a normal conversation with you anymore. It’s just a casual convo but it feels like you’re forcing him down the aisle at gunpoint. His responses are short, chilly, and lacking any kind of emotion. If this is the case, he’s got one foot out the door and doesn’t care if he’s hurting you in the process. Basically, he’s a selfish loser. Don’t tolerate this behavior.
is a freelance writer for Bustle and Petcha, and editor for Wise Bread. She suffers from separation anxiety, and can't bear to be away from her dog for more than 20 minutes. Her dog doesn't seem to care either way. Sweater season is her favorite season.