Holding Out For Your Ex? Wake Up — It’s Not Going To Happen

You may have planned your life in great detail, but the fact is, stuff happens, and often things don’t turn out the way we thought or hoped they would. Relationships end, and while you might have thought your ex was The One, you broke up for a reason. Sure, there’s a chance you could still find your way back together after you’ve worked out some stuff, but it’s probably better to move on as if that’s not the case.

  1. Letting go frees up your brain power for more important things. If you’re stuck going around in circles about what happened in the relationship in the past or what the future might hold, you’re going to miss out on a lot of the life that’s happening right now.
  2. If he dumped you, he wasn’t as invested as you thought. Whether or not you get back together in the future, if he dumped you now, he’s not interested in being with you now. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but if someone doesn’t want you, there’s a limit to how much energy you should expend thinking about how to change that.
  3. If you dumped him, you had your reasons. If you’re the one who felt the need for space and found it through an official breakup, it isn’t fair to him to assume that he still belongs to you. If you broke up with him, you can’t control how he’s going to feel about that now or later, nor can you can keep him from moving on with someone else. You ended things for a reason, so why second guess yourself?
  4. You don’t need to seek out familiarity for comfort. Whether or not you get back together, the desire to do so definitely shouldn’t come from a place of fear of the unknown and a desire for comfortable security. If that’s how you feel, you’re better off finding ways to be brave and truly figuring out what you want in life. If it’s still him, you’ll know it’s for the right reasons.
  5. A lot of the same problems will still be there. When/if you reconcile with a guy, there will always be some differences in the relationship, but you’re still the same people. If you both didn’t do some extensive work on yourselves and reflect about what needs to change, the same old issues will keep cropping up. That’s fine if you can work on them at that point, but if you can’t, you’re just setting yourself up for heartbreak all over again. Some people just don’t match.
  6. You definitely don’t want to waste your time waiting for nothing. If you’re waiting around expecting a reunion, you’re going to be less likely to meet someone new. If you don’t end up getting back together, you’ll have wasted a lot of precious time sitting on the sidelines and letting other potentially even better men pass you by.
  7. If it’s meant to be, it will be, regardless of where you are in life. If you’re currently broken up with your future husband, the breakup damage has already occurred. What happens in the meantime isn’t going to prevent you from being with him again… unless it isn’t meant to be.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog ThatsRandomKate.blogspot.com