How A Narcissist Reacts When You Expose Them

How A Narcissist Reacts When You Expose Them

If you’ve ever had the displeasure of dealing with a narcissist, you’re probably all too familiar with the ways they twist situations to avoid taking accountability for their actions and make you look like the bad guy. Once you realize what they’re really like and expose them to the world, that’s when their toxicity goes up another notch and they launch an all-out war. Be prepared for them to try some (or all!) of these things.

1. They explode with rage.

When you shine a light on a narcissist’s true colors, be prepared for a nuclear meltdown, Psych Central warns. They’ll lash out with a barrage of insults, threats, and accusations, all designed to intimidate you into backing down. It’s like poking a rabid dog with a stick — you’re gonna get bitten. But stand your ground because their rage is just a smokescreen for their fragile ego.

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2. They gaslight the hell out of you.

man criticizing girlfriend in kitchen

Narcissists are master manipulators, and when you expose them, they’ll crank up the gaslighting to eleven. They’ll twist your words, deny reality, and try to make you question your own sanity. They’ll say things like “that never happened” or “you’re just being paranoid,” even when you have proof. Don’t fall for their mind games — trust your gut and stick to your guns.

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3. They play the blame game.

Narcissists never take responsibility for their actions, and when you call them out, they’ll point the finger at everyone but themselves. They’ll make excuses, shift blame, and play the victim card so hard it should be an Olympic sport. Don’t let them off the hook — hold them accountable for their bad behavior.

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4. They try to charm their way out of it.

Conversation, argument and interracial couple in conflict in a park for communication about divorce. Angry, fight and black man and woman speaking about a relationship problem on a date in nature

If rage and gaslighting don’t work, a narcissist will switch gears and turn on the charm offensive, per Psychology Today. They’ll suddenly become the most apologetic, understanding person you’ve ever met, showering you with compliments and promises to change. But don’t be fooled — it’s all a manipulative ploy to suck you back in. Once they’ve got you where they want you, they’ll revert right back to their old ways.

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5. They launch a smear campaign against you.

If a narcissist can’t control the narrative, they’ll try to destroy your reputation instead. They’ll spread lies and rumors about you, painting you as the villain and themselves as the victim. They’ll go to great lengths to turn people against you, even if it means burning bridges and ruining relationships. It’s a dirty, underhanded tactic, but it’s one that narcissists excel at.

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6. They give you the silent treatment.

Sometimes, when a narcissist is exposed, they’ll go radio silent. They’ll ghost you, ignore your messages, and give you the cold shoulder like a petulant child. This is their way of punishing you for daring to stand up to them. They want you to feel isolated and powerless, like you’ve done something wrong. Don’t chase after them — let them sulk in their own misery.

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7. They throw a pity party for themselves.

Narcissists love to play the victim, and when they’re exposed, they’ll wallow in self-pity like it’s their job. They’ll moan about how misunderstood and mistreated they are, fishing for sympathy and attention. They’ll try to guilt-trip you into feeling sorry for them, even though they’re the ones who’ve done wrong. Don’t fall for their crocodile tears — they’re just trying to manipulate you.

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8. They deflect and change the subject.

When confronted with their bad behavior, narcissists will often try to derail the conversation and avoid accountability. They’ll bring up irrelevant issues, nitpick details, or try to turn the tables on you. It’s like trying to nail Jell-O to a wall — they’re slippery and evasive, always finding a way to wriggle out of taking responsibility.

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9. They give you a non-apology.

If a narcissist does apologize, it’s usually a half-hearted, insincere attempt at placating you. They’ll say things like “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I apologize if I offended you,” putting the onus on you for being too sensitive. They’ll never take full responsibility for their actions or express genuine remorse. It’s just another manipulation tactic to get you off their back.

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10. They keep gaslighting you, even after being exposed.

Even after you’ve called them out, a narcissist will keep trying to gaslight you. They’ll deny things they’ve said or done, even when you have proof. They’ll use phrases like “you’re remembering it wrong” or “you’re just being dramatic,” trying to erode your confidence in your own reality. Don’t let them mess with your head — stand firm in your truth.

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11. They try to make it all about you.

Narcissists are experts at shifting blame, and when you expose them, they’ll try to make you the problem. They’ll accuse you of being too sensitive, too demanding, or too unreasonable. They’ll say things like “you made me do it” or “you triggered me,” as if their terrible behavior is somehow your fault. Don’t accept responsibility for their actions — that’s on them, not you.

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12. They throw a temper tantrum.

When a narcissist doesn’t get their way, they’ll often resort to throwing a fit like a toddler. They’ll yell, scream, and make a scene, all in an attempt to bully you into submission. It’s a pathetic display of immaturity, but it’s one that narcissists typically rely on. Don’t give in to their tantrums — stand your ground and let them wear themselves out.

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13. They guilt-trip you.

Narcissists are skilled at using guilt to manipulate people, and when you expose them, they’ll lay it on thick. They’ll remind you of all the things they’ve done for you, all the sacrifices they’ve made, and how ungrateful you are for not appreciating them. They’ll try to make you feel like you owe them something, even though they’re the ones who’ve wronged you. Don’t fall for their guilt trips — you don’t owe them anything.

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14. They try to hoover you back in.

Frustrated couple, headache and fight on sofa in divorce, disagreement or conflict in living room at home. Man and woman in toxic relationship, cheating affair or dispute on lounge couch at house

Per the Cleveland Clinic, hoovering is a way for someone you were in a relationship with to win you over once you’ve seen through their bad behavior. Even after you’ve cut ties with a narcissist, they’ll often try to suck you back into their toxic orbit. They’ll reach out with apologies, promises to change, or grand gestures of affection. They’ll try to exploit your empathy and compassion, hoping to reel you back in. But don’t fall for it — once a narcissist, always a narcissist. They might change their tactics, but they’ll never change their true nature.

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Harper Stanley graduated from Eugene Lang College at The New School in NYC in 2006 with a degree in Media Studies and Literature and Critical Analysis. After graduating, she worked as an editorial assistant at The Atlantic before moving to the UK to work for the London Review of Books.

When she's not waxing poetic about literature, she's writing articles about dating, relationships, and other women's lifestyle topics to help make their lives better. While shocking, she really has somehow managed to avoid joining any social media apps — a fact she's slightly smug about.
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