How Men Unintentionally Push Love Away

How Men Unintentionally Push Love Away

If you’re wondering why your relationships keep crashing and burning, it’s time to take a hard look in the mirror. Chances are, you’re unintentionally doing things that push women away and self-sabotage your shot at real, lasting love. These 15 habits are some of the most common culprits. Get rid of them ASAP if you want to break your cycle of loneliness and broken hearts.

1. Emotional unavailability

When a man is closed off emotionally, always keeping his guard up and never really letting his partner in, it creates distance, Women’s Health notes. Opening up can be scary, but vulnerability is non-negotiable for deep connection. Push past your comfort zone if you want love to flourish.

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2. Being selfish in bed

For many guys, physical intimacy is all about their own pleasure. They focus solely on finishing themselves, rather than making it a mutually satisfying experience. If you’re leaving your lady frustrated more often than not, don’t be surprised when her interest fades. Up your game in the bedroom and prioritize her enjoyment too.

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3. Being competitive rather than supportive

Men who always need to one-up their partner, prove they’re right, or “win” at everything breed resentment. A relationship shouldn’t be a rivalry. If you want a healthy partnership, celebrate each other’s successes, provide encouragement, and be a teammate, not an opponent.

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4. Not taking responsibility for their actions

Some men refuse to step up and be accountable for their mistakes or any bad things they’ve done. Their partners might try to talk to them about how they’re rude or inconsiderate, and they’ll look confused or get defensive. It’s stressful. While they might lack self-reflection, this behavior can quickly and permanently push their partners away before they can ask, “Huh?”

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5. Taking their partner for granted

It’s easy to get complacent when you’re comfortable. But never stop putting in effort. Keep courting your partner even after you’ve committed. Make her feel loved, appreciated, and like she’s still your top priority. Consistent thoughtful gestures go a long way.

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6. Not showing any appreciation for the things their partner does

Being generous with a partner who doesn’t show gratitude can make one head for the nearest exit. It’s easy to think saying “thanks” is silly, but showing gratitude makes love stronger, so it’s worth expressing it, whether through actions or words, the Gottman Institute advises.

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7. Ogling other women

Wandering eyes are a huge turnoff. It’s insulting and makes your partner feel like she’s not enough for you. Sure, it’s normal to notice attractive people, but be respectful. Keep your gaze and attention where it belongs — on the amazing woman who’s actually with you.

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8. Choosing “the boys” over her

Ditching date nights to grab beers with your buddies or bailing on plans last minute to watch the game with the guys sends the message that she’s low on your priority list. Maintain your friendships, but balance is key. Make quality time with your partner non-negotiable.

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9. Trying to change their partner

If you’re constantly pointing out your partner’s flaws, telling her she needs to lose weight, dress sexier, or be more outgoing, you’re chipping away at her self-esteem. Love isn’t about molding someone into your fantasy girl. Appreciate her for who she is, or let her find someone who will.

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10. Ignoring her outside the bedroom

For a relationship to thrive, there needs to be meaningful connection beyond physical intimacy. Don’t just give your partner attention when you’re trying to get her into bed. Engage in real conversations. Ask about her day, her thoughts, her dreams. Actually listen. If she feels valued outside the sheets, she’s more likely to want to jump between them with you.

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11. Dropping off the face of the earth

Going MIA for days or ignoring her texts and calls is a great way to make your partner feel unimportant and erode trust. Guys often use the excuse of being busy with work, but it only takes a minute to send a quick message. Consistent communication is crucial.

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12. Zoning out instead of listening

Listening to someone is one of the biggest displays of love. Men whose eyes glaze over when their partners are talking to them are pushing them away without being aware of the negative effects that their behavior is having on their partners. Someone who doesn’t feel valued might stop opening up to their partner, or check out of the relationship completely.

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13. Being married to their job

It’s amazing to be ambitious and chase your goals, but when your career consumes your entire life, it leaves little room for your relationship. No one wants to always come in second place to a job title. It’s about balance. Carve out dedicated time for your partner and be fully present when you’re together.

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14. Comparing their partner to their exes

A throwaway comment from a man, such as, “My ex wouldn’t behave so rudely!” or “My ex used to love when I did this, so you’re wrong” might seem like no big deal, but it is. It destroys their partner’s self-worth and self-esteem, causing them to feel like they’re not good enough.

15. Being allergic to commitment

If you’re still “exploring your options” and swiping on dating apps after months of seeing someone, you’re sabotaging your shot at real intimacy. Keeping one foot out the door gives the impression that you’re just passing time until something better comes along. If you’re into her, go all in. Give the relationship a real chance without the looming threat of your backup plan.

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Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.