When you want to find love, you have to put in some effort. That means actually getting off your couch and leaving your apartment, “putting yourself out there,” and going places where other single people might be hanging out, among other things. It’s also important to widen the scope and date people who don’t immediately check all your boxes because hey, you never know, right? However, it’s possible to go overboard in your search for love. So how much dating is too much?
Is there such a thing as too much dating?
Actually, yes. As important as it is to be proactive and to meet as many people as possible, you can go too far and make dating too much of a priority. Dating guru James Preece suggests that anything more than two dates in a week is too many, but that’s not necessarily written in stone. There’s no magic number for how many dates you should go on every week — that all depends on the person and the circumstance — but it’s fair to say that dating should only be a part of your life rather than the central focus.
How do you know if you’re dating too much?
- You’re neglecting other responsibilities in your life. Everyone is busy, and it makes sense that you have to make a concerted effort to find time to date. However, if you notice multiple things in your life falling by the wayside for the sake of dating, you’re making it too much of a priority. Have you done your laundry or cleaned your apartment lately? Gone to the gym? Hung out with your friends? Visited your parents? If the answer to the above is “no,” but you’ve gone on multiple dates, it’s time for a change.
- You can’t remember the last time you had a night in. You know you’re dating too much when you haven’t had a night in doing nothing in as long as you can remember. Alone time is so important. It allows you to recharge your batteries, indulge in self-care, and relax in your own company and it’s vital for your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. If you’re not getting that time because you’re too busy booking your next night out with a new guy or girl, that’s a problem.
- You’ve called your date by another person’s name. Oops! You go out with one guy and accidentally call him by the name of the guy you’re seeing tomorrow night. Big mistake! If you’re seeing so many different people that you can’t keep their names straight, you’re definitely dating too much. It shows that you’re not really focusing on the person you’re out with, so what’s the point?
- You’re on more dating apps than you can keep up with. Trying a few dating apps to see which one is right for you is smart. Each has its own unique offerings and draws different types of users, so you have to experiment a bit. However, if you’re regularly active on four or five (or more) apps to maximize your matches and your dates, you’re placing way too much emphasis on dating.
- You feel physically and mentally exhausted for no reason. You don’t feel like there’s anything major going on in your life right now and you don’t have a cold or flu, but you’re feeling exhausted both physically and mentally. It could be that you’re dating way too much. It takes a lot of energy and focus to constantly be going out with new people, so it makes sense that it would begin to take its toll after a while. Try backing off for a while and your energy will likely come back.
- You feel weird if you go a few days without a date. On the rare occasions that you don’t have a date planned for a few nights, you start to panic a bit. You worry that you’re wasting time, that you’re missing out. Neither of those things is true, and you’re certainly not more likely to be more successful in dating by doing it too much. Take a deep breath and relax.
- You don’t feel like you’re making any real connections. For all the dating you’re doing, you’re not having much luck when it comes to forging real connections or having any chemistry. This is likely because you’re seeing so many people that you’re never really focusing on one at a time. By moving from one person to the next, how do you ever expect to find your person? Slow down, be more intentional, and accept that there’s no timeline you should be following. Love is out there — you don’t need to race to find it.
